I have nothing to say of any particular import
I’m a woman, another semi-pretty face
Doesn’t really matter, as long as the bod is still looking good
This man is not going to look past the long hair and long legs
I could mumble old verses of Mother Goose rhymes in Arabic
And he would sit there and nod and look interested
While looking down my blouse, or up my skirt
I’ve met this guy before, on a million first dates
We are intimately acquainted and he has never gotten
To first base, I look deep into his eyes, bat my eyelashes
And tell him ‘on the first date I usually castrate my date,
Taking only the choice parts, and then I cook up the
Goodies in wine and white sauce’
I laugh huskily and he chuckles and agrees
Nodding wisely, while trying to reach my knee under the table
‘I’m really a man, I use this disguise to lure in unsuspecting victims’
again he smiles and nods, having found what he believes is my leg
under the table, he says encouragingly ‘that is fascinating, tell me
more about yourself’ I shift my purse a little so that he thinks he is
exciting me, and he clutches it a little more intimately
I wonder briefly if I’m wrong and he is stealing my wallet
But one look at the lust on his face and I know he’s just another
Groper, so intent on feeling me up that he doesn’t even hear a word
I say, or notice that my knee feels amazingly like leather
‘I never kill on the first date though, I prefer to leave pieces of you
whole so I can come back later’, I wink at this and he jumps, knowing
he missed something important. ‘of course, and I respect you for it , ‘
he assures me, ‘I wouldn’t dream of going farther than you want to go’
‘well in that case, I’m going to pick up the to-go food I ordered before we
got here, enough to feed myself and the guy I’m going to call to come over
when I get rid of you and then I’m going to the restroom and sneak out
leaving you with the tab’ this time he gets a gentle chuck under the chin and
a little air kiss in his direction; he jerks his hands back on the table
so he can be a gentleman and stand as I leave the table, taking my purse,
no worse for the fondling hopefully, and heading out for a more pleasant
evening. I just love blind dates, don’t you?