I've been here
I've been there
I've been everywhere
(With the exception of Iran, Antartica, and Gary, Indiana, which I deliberately forgot to visit)
And every time
I drive around a friend
They all say the same thing:

"Be careful. The cops don't fuck around here."

L.A.:
"Be careful. The cops don't fuck around here."
(Yeah, I heard "Pinata" is spanish for "Rodney King")
New York:
"Be careful. The cops don't fuck around here."
(Yeah, I heard about that 'nightstick enema')
Las Vegas:
"Be careful. The cops don't fuck around here."
(That would be ME telling MY FRIENDS that, knowing Vegas cops have killed 81 people.)
Miami, Dallas, D.C., Orlando, Hartford, Boston or Providence...
None of THESE can be considered Towns Where Cops Fuck Around, also.

So this mysterious town...
which surely MUST exist SOMEWHERE...
Has become my American El Dorado.

I'll arrive...
speeding, drinking, cursing, smoking and reading a dirty book...
And my friends will greet me
Screaming:
"A COP JUST GAVE ME ALL THE DOPE HE CONFISCATED!!! TAKE A HIT OF THIS!!!"
Another will scream:
"ONE FORCED ME AT GUNPOINT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIS WIFE!!!"
Another:
"HE SAID HE'D TEAR UP MY SPEEDING TICKET
IF I MOONED THE MAYOR!!!"
And:
"A COP TOLD ME I WASN'T DRUNK ENOUGH TO DRIVE, SO HE GAVE ME A BOTTLE OF JACK!!! HERE, BOTTOMS UP!!!"
Or Perhaps:
"A COP JUST GAVE ME HIS GUN AND TOLD ME TO HOLD UP A DUNKIN' DONUTS FOR HIM!!! HE SAID I COULD HAVE HALF OF WHATEVER I TOOK!!! HERE, HAVE A CHOCOLATE CRULLER!!!"

O Town, Glorious Town!
Where we all get along
And the party never ends!
Where Art Thou?

It is said
That New Orleans is a possibility...
This cannot be confirmed or denied.
Until then, I must ride
Boldly ride
As I Quest
For The Town
Where The Cops
Fuck Around.