1

I liked you so much better

Before you socked me in the face

If you wanted my attention

I would suggest another place

2

The last time your dog bit me

Was when I said to you goodbye

Now I’ve got teeth marks on my backside

And a shiner for an eye

3

You could have chosen any one

But you had to choose me

It’s not that I’m ungrateful

But you’re dumber than a tree

4

So come a little closer

Let me look into your eyes

To see if something’s in there

For which I'd  really be surprised

5

I didn’t mean to foul you

But it really had to happen

Cause your double dribble stutter

Made it sound like you were rappin’

6

If my dog died would you still love me

I know his heart is much bigger than mine

 I’m working on all my bad habits

But I still have the superior whine

7

I’m so happy that you cut your toenails

The lacerations had begun to mount

I should have bought shares in “Band Aid”

To beef up my retirement account

8

You were the apple of my eye

Till I found out you had worms

Cause once you take that first bite

You also get the germs

9

I’ve tried spending time with you

Having intimate conversation

But when I try to unlock your heart

I forget the combination

10

When the chainsaw of life give you lemons

Best to keep your hands off the blade

Cause nobody wants all of your fingers

Swirling around in their lemonade

11

If I buy you a drink will you kiss me

Or will you just swill it down and be gone

If I buy one for your friend will you miss me

Cause we’ll be out there humping on the lawn

12

Somewhere over the rainbow

You’ll find work

Probably not in my lifetime

Because you are such a jerk