There once was a young lady named Rose

Whose namesake described her repose

Though she loved to be wooed

When she was not in the mood

She would her thorns, not her petals expose

There was this golfer who tried to be good

To stay away from the greens if he could

So on Valentines Day

His home course he did play

And found good use for his balls and his wood

There was a lady who feared everything red

So Valentines Day filled her with dread

Then she met an eye doctor who

Prescribed for her lenses of blue

Within a month they were happily wed

There once was a nympho named Vicky

Who thought she would try something tricky

She dated each of six brothers

Without telling the others

And her life became decidedly sticky

There was a lady whose fortunes had flipped

In tanning booths the sunscreen she skipped

Her face became wrinkled

And so dry that it crinkled

Now she models for “Tales from the Crypt”

There was a man who bought a Valentines heart

For a lady who cruelly tore him apart

He could see love was missing

With no intimate kissing

So he blew her one with a fart

There was a young woman named Mandy

Who ate a whole box of Valentines candy

And although chocolate may do

She needed someone to screw

Because the aphrodisiac made Mandy get Randy

There was this strange guy who fell madly in love

With his inflatable doll and his glove

Though the conversations weren’t great

She was a cheap date

And on Valentines Day she would be his Deneuve

There was a young lady named Grace

Who had a truly angelical face

Then she bumped into Cupid

And his arrows made her stupid

Now they both shack up at her place

The was a young man who would walk a lot

To escape from his wife who would talk a lot

The plan nearly caused a riot

Till he found a way to keep her quiet

By buying her huge boxes of chocolate

Copyright 2010 Patrick A. Granfors