I kissed the southbound end

Of a northbound horse

Drank a bottle of tequila

That subverted all remorse

But the Mountie saw no humor

And he hauled my ass to jail

I pled I knew the Buzzard

But they still denied me bail

The charge was equine cruelty

And the judge was not impressed

He said my lips were toxic

And it justified arrest

I told him I loved horses

But he said he didn’t care

He tagged me with indecency

For smooching Mountie’s mare

I was sentenced to hard labor

Cleaning out the horse’s stall

The punishment it seemed OK

Until I got my lawyer’s call

He called me a Yankee idiot

But what really got me pissed

There would have been no charges

Had I just drunk Canadian Mist

Copyright 2010 Patrick A. Granfors