Hands Free!!!! (poem) by Patrick A Granfors on AuthorsDen

Hands Free!!!!
by Patrick A Granfors → (All Poetry by Patrick A Granfors)
Rated "PG13" by the Author.

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WARNING!!!WARNING!! This is absolutely off color but irresistable because it's based on fact. Steve Ferrini age 60 was arrested last month in Lake Tahoe while parked in a "No Parking" zone. He was found to have in his possession a device with an on/off switch in his shirt pocket with wires that led into his pants and eventually to where the sun don't shine. Because he was discussing his knowledge of bombmaking, the California Highway Patrol assumed the device might be a bomb so they evacuated the station and called the bomb squad. Some poor schlup had to remove it and it turned out to be a vibrator. Now you all know why I want to leave Califorina as soon as possible. We all knew this is a hands free driving state, sometimes that's a good thing. To the tunes "I'm Free" and "Pinball Wizard" from "Tommy", the Who Photo:California Highway Patrol

Hands Free! – Hands Free! And freedom smells of reality Hands Free! – Hands Free! An’ I’m waiting for you to follow me…… ……..Ever since I was a young boy I’ve enjoyed playing with my balls From Tahoe down to Brighton The arrest sheet says it all But nothing is as much fun as Driving hand’s free while I haul Till that dumbass patrol man Done went and spoiled it all He is a hands free wizard That has to be a kick But his hidden hands free device Kind of makes me sick He drive’s without distraction Enjoys the buzzer & smell How many red lights he has run He will never tell He always gets a replay The switch at beck and call Till that dumbass trooper Done went and spoiled it all Copyright 2010 Patrick Granfors

Reviewed by Mr. Ed

Reviewed on May 6, 2010

Some poor schlup had to remove it and it turned out to be a vibrator.

I bet that poor guy really loves his job!!

Reviewed by Georg Mateos

Now, at last, I understand that saying "up yours!" hahahahahahahahaha!!!

Georg

Reviewed by Patrick Granfors

Reviewed on May 5, 2010

Doing some toddy enhanced back checking, I note Mark Lichterman actually captured this event in an article recently entitled Anal Bomb (which I reviewed). My apologies for unintentionally poaching. Patrick

Reviewed by Jms Bell

THE 'SADNESS' OF HIS SITUATION...SHOWS IN HIS FACE. ONE HAS TO 'FEEL' FOR THIS POOR INDIVIDUAL WHO HAS A SERIOUS PROBLEM. AND YOU KNOW ME, PATRICK... I KNOW IF THIS SOUL KNEW JESUS CHRIST AS HIS SAVIOR...HE'D BE SO DIFFERENT. MAY THE LORD DO FOR HIM WHAT HE'S DONE FOR ME AND SO MANY OTHERS...SET HIM FREE OF ALL HIS ADDICTIONS! THANKS FOR SHARING AND LOVE, JOYCE * HIS INSPIRATIONS

Reviewed by pat medlin

oh patrick...i finally got the 'whatever' to post another 'whatever' and you just come along and blow it outta the water with this hizzzterical 'whateva'

iloveditpatmedlin

Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader)

I used to have the Tommy album back in the 70s and listened to that song all the time. This is great Patrick. ROFL.

Reviewed by Paul Berube

Ouch !!! Cute one, Patrick.

Reviewed by Victoria's Poetry & Voices of Muse

AURGH!! to funny!!
and Ed Matlack comment too...
I wonder where the no parking was?
hummmm....

Reviewed by Ed Matlack

Now he'll be charged as a sex offender, offending himself...;-) e