Hotdog Sex and Exercise (poem) by Patrick A Granfors on AuthorsDen

Hotdog Sex and Exercise
by Patrick A Granfors → (All Poetry by Patrick A Granfors)
Rated "PG" by the Author.

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The drone news reporters on my local TV station giddily announced the following hot flash last week. I was preoccupied so I failed to share it in a timely fashion. I hope this oversight had no repercussions. Their story, �Exercise and sex can cause a heart attack�!!! They then followed up with the standard disclaimer that couch potatoes have the life expectancy of a gypsy moth. And then side by side, a HUGE revelation. Hot dogs are not nearly as carcinogenic as previously believed. No source was mentioned so I suspect it was the world famous �Oscar Mayer Institute of Food Safety

Exercise can kill you So can having sex While sitting on your ass can smite A study now projects I’m not allowed gyration I’m not allowed to jog Of all the things that I shouldn’t eat I’m allowed a chili dog The contradiction’s crazy I’m pasted to my chair I can jam a wiener in my yap But not in my damsel fair Crestor justifies hot dogs Viagra’s hawking sex I think I see the pattern now The lunacy intersects I guess I’ll take my chances And ignore their study’s prattle If ya gotta go what better way Than dying in the saddle Copyright 2011 Patrick Granfors

Reviewed by Bill Terry (Reader)

Reviewed on May 10, 2011

Here's a second to your motion to leave this world for the wide beyond strapped in the saddle!

Reviewed by Ronald Hull

Reviewed on April 2, 2011

On a slow news day, they always give you the latest medical pap. it seems that contradiction has become the rule�guaranteed to get the masses all excited about the latest�fad.

You nailed it on the head.

Ron

Reviewed by Chip Bergeron

Reviewed on March 30, 2011

What's this about WIENERS???

Chip Bergeron

Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan

Reviewed on March 29, 2011

dying in the saddle-not a bad way to go! :)

Reviewed by Annabel Sheila

Here! Here! A vegetarian myself...I much prefer a veggie dog anyway....giggle

Anna

Reviewed by Dayvid Graybill

Reviewed on March 28, 2011

Good one Patrick! Made me chuckle all evening.

Peace,
Dayvid

Reviewed by pat medlin

hah!....one of your finest next to the freeway thing... i'll never forget ...just can't remember... yurgood yurgood yurgood

Reviewed by Gene Williamson

If all they say is true, then we can take a tip from you, Patrick,
and, doggone it, laugh about it. =gene.

Reviewed by Ed Matlack

I saw that study & thought the same thing regards the last line...& if your wiener is the size of a hot dog, you'd better hope its one of those extra long, extra fats with the extra big roll...;-)e

Reviewed by Christine Tsen

So funny! And I think you make a great choice Patrick. :)
There are going to be loads of sexually frustrated people out there if Oscar Meyer has their way.
Christine

Reviewed by Mark Lichterman

Stll waiting for our hot dog lunch. Only probem is the Chicago Dog, Kosher style hot dog joint isn't there anymore. Oh, task, task,task.
Mark

Reviewed by Richard Henkel (Reader)

Loved this one Pat! It sounds just like the old Pat only classier.

Reviewed by Paul Berube

Wise! Very, very wise choice, Patrick. Well done too.

Reviewed by Regis Auffray

Great stuff, Patrick. Thank you for sharing your wit and humor and thank you for the laughs. Love and peace,

Regis