Where does the horse go after you let it out of the barn?

Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?

I had my cart before my horse and they busted me for equipment violations.

If your blood is thicker than water you forgot to take your low dose aspirin

Whoever thought clams were happy has never been to an oyster bar.

Somebody “stole my thunder” but it’s OK, I have a hangover.

I “had an ace up my sleeve” but they caught me. Now it’s up something else.

I’d ”bite the hand that feeds me,” but I have a low pain threshold.

Whoever said “it’s dry as a bone” has been eating at the wrong barbeque joint.

They wanted an eye for an eye until they figured out I was near sighted.

If you think the pen is mightier than the sword you haven’t carved many flank steaks.

If you live to fight another day maybe you should quit fighting.

I counted my chickens before they hatched. Now I owe capital gains tax.

I went to Rome to do what the Romans do. Now I’m under indictment.

I was certain the leopard had changed its spots. That’s when the drugs wore off.

Whoever said nothing is certain but death and taxes has never tried to balance my wife’s checkbook.

He dropped the ball – but not quickly enough and the line backer broke his leg.

I tried to teach my old dog a new trick but he outsmarted me and got the whole box of treats.

Copyright 2011 Patrick Granfors