Our aging, lonely population, especially in rural areas, make it hard to get a proper head count.
*****************

Granny, in the boondocks swears
the census is rude, senseless.
“Dang, who cares where I sleep …
if I wear gowns or underwear?”

“Ma’am, I’m taking census.”

“Well, it makes no sense to me!
Does knowing make one ‘jolly’;
is this a trick, some folly?”

“The government needs these facts!”

“So, the government thinks I’m FAT!
I’d take liposuction but can’t afford that!”

“Please, will you just listen to me.”

“FREE? But I don’t need a hysterectomy!”

“Ma’am, are you hard-of-hearing?”

“I’ve got government clearing?
Is it my age or ‘cause I’m endearing?
When will all this be happening?”

“Are you living here alone?”

“Did you say you heard my phone?”
Touched it and there was no tone.
“Oops, I ate beans. Must have 'blown'.
Huh? My scars have to be shown?”

“Ma’am, I’m NOT up to this.”

“Shack’s out back—go take your piss!
I’ll disrobe. You can’t see through this.
Excuse me … did you ask me for kiss?”

The young man runs … slams the door!

“Young folks today are SO rude!”
Nude, she exclaims, “Scars are ugly, crude
don’t they know NOT to send a prude?”