Laughs are there even back to Elvis, but do I wanna claim this.

Really Rare Please

I was at the cattle auction, just don’t ask me why,
Didn’t want no cow , it was goats I wanted to buy,

Just got my days wrong, thought I’d stay to enjoy the show,
Then I heard two gals a-talkin, what else? don’t you know,

One said, his name used to be Elvis, but now we call him Steer,
He was our Bull , but he’s been fixed for almost over a year,

Ought to make good hamburger if no oatmeal is added,
But he is fat, just look at how his big ol’rump is padded,

You know I wouldn’t say anything but she has no room to speak
I’ll bet her poor recliner has a broken hearted squeak,

But back to poor ol’Elvis he’s looking mighty sad,
I’d say he has a reason, his year’s been really bad,

They cut off his career, to prepare him for the store,
And an amputated Elvis would never “swing” no more,

He weighed out pretty handsome, but then he raised his tail,
And left his personal opinion lying there on the scale,

Then his multi overweight owner Is counting out the dough,
Like she needs a fancy dinner, her sweat suits on overflow,

Now I’m not a sentimentalist, but I had an old CD,
And driving home I let the real old Elvis sing to me,

I really liked the one he sang about being a Teddy Bear.
I thought his words were neat but thought I could help him there,

His name sake at the Auction House would appreciate his song,
Just changed the words a little so he could sing along,

Put a rope around my neck , I’ll follow you any where,
But you gotta leave my hide on , too many folks will stare,

I don’t go in for freezing, there’s too much cold, cold air,
Just leave me in my wooly robe. I’ll be your Teddy Bear,

I don’t wanna be your “T bone”, mine is really tough,
I don’t wanna be your” rib eye,” your teeth ain’t good enough,

Don’t wanna be your ground round, cause gas you’ll just have tons,
Reflux might just be your thing but there’ll be thunder in the buns,

There’s no eighty , twenty hamburger for the fast food joints, I fear,
Cause , they cut off almost all of that when they changed me to a steer,

In the end , I’m still a tough guy, tougher than a Moose,
So if you wanna enjoy ol’Elvis ckeck your dentures ain’t too loose,

Next time you buy tough frozen meat, I hope that you don’t swear,
Remember it was your choice , I wanted to be a Teddy Bear.

© 2021 Tom Leftwich