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Tom E Leftwich

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Dog Gone
by Tom E Leftwich → (All Poetry by Tom E Leftwich)
Thursday, September 15, 2022    Rated "G" by the Author.
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Dogs don’t take offence too easy, but some’ll put you over it, with your pants a little breezy.


Poem Artwork

Dog Gone

I was at this rally for neutering, to prevent the spread of dog offspring,
This TV guy made some big deal at whacking off everything,

Maybe it was discount day at this veterinary place,
He claimed that too many dogs crowded the holding space,

My man was fumbling for his money, to end my Macho look,
I was hoping it cost a bundle, but twenty is all it took,

He said, it will benefit mankind your sacrifice will show,
I’d whole lot rather you burned a sheep, that’s a sacrifice too you know,

You say it’s a common practice, no one will think it strange,
Next thing you’re gonna tell me it’s for climate change,

They said, Take a matching number and we’ll give a call for you,
Didn’t think I needed a number, all I had, was two,

I wasn’t cut out for the fancy dog show season,
Must have cut me off for some political reason,

I’m a little sore in places and cain’t even hike to Whizz
So now I’m a member of the opposite sex, which ever one that is,

Do I look happy? You outta your mind?
I’d like to sink my teeth in that Vet’s behind!

Well my guard dog career is ended, I never liked this Jerk,
So here I am at Animal Control, looking for suitable work,

I cain’t be swayed by sex or high exalted station,
But unlike politicians, I never deserved castration,

The perfect job I found, I think you’d never guess,
They hired me as your helpful auditor, from the IRS,

Musta been my good looks

  

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 Reviews of "Dog Gone"
Reviewed by E Phillips
Reviewed on September 17, 2022
This is just crazy good.
OMG. What a delightful jaunt!
Balls of fire. Sort of.

Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on September 17, 2022
Why I never had my little guy fixed. Maybe had a problem anyway, because he didn't go crazy for the girls when they got in heat. But he was feisty and a great guard dog.

Wow that perfect job was quite a stretch, but being the guy who checked that veterinarian's taxes would be a way to get even. ;-)

BTW. It's hard to make humor out of something so terrible. Can you imagine being a eunuch?

Ron

Reviewed by T. Wignesan
Reviewed on September 15, 2022
God-gone it, Tom, errr...er Dog-Gone it, Tom, you're at your craziest best again. What a guard-dog through castration achieves IRS pedigree!!!
Looks like he bit you in the butt, too, judging by his trans-sexual vengeful grumpiness. If I were you, I wouldn't go about wearing tartan skirts with or without bagpipes from now on... Lilting rhymes to go with it all. Kudos, Tom.

Reviewed by Kalikiano Kalei
Reviewed on September 15, 2022
Wonderfully amusing, Tom, speaking as a dog person. I couldn't agree w/you more in comparing (and praising) the relative merits of one's faithful canine companion with the demerits of politicians! The only real impediment to the absolute veracity of your statement is that most regrettably, almost all politicians don't have bollocks to begin with! Zero MINUS zero is not, after all, DOUBLE-ZERO! That said, there are a few politicians who seem to be exceptions, and I have a short list I'd still love to do a 'Braveheart' on, LoL! ;))


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