That dog gives me some mighty funny looks. Is this what he said?

Dog Talk Back

He said, Hound dog , I gotta tell you, you’re the ugliest thing I know,
Well mister ain’t you something , I placed in the K9 show,

Maybe you think you’re pretty, but you doctor your face a lot,
I would too if I looked like you, but I’m good with what I got,

Good thing you had a birth certificate, someone you better thank,
Need them things for the human race, kind a like an entry blank,

When I was born, I got great reviews down at the vet nary place,
When you were born ,probably missed your butt, and slapped your ugly face ,

HEY!,quit scootin your butt on the carpet, that’s a nasty lookin bit,
Better do that stuff outside, Grand ma will have a fit!

There you go, hittin on me again, you just ain’t satisfied,
You ever felt rocks and gravel scraping on your back side,

You spend half your extra money on toilet paper stuff,
You think, cause I’m a dog , I can go it in the rough,

Like go outside and do my thing even when it pours,
Cain’t use the same spot on the ground ,it don’t flush like yours,

How long before they make a law to quit pooping on the open range,
They’ll want me to flag it all, for them folks on climate change,

HEY now!, another nasty habit, quit licking your stinking feet!
Man won’t you ever give up, ain’t never seen it to beat,

I cain’t scratch every place with fingers the way you do,
So every where it itches, I give it a lick or two ,

That Damn neutering doctor. He cut off whatta you think?
One of my favorite itching spots , gone in a stinkin blink,

Cain’t get by with one foot now, gotta be lickin all the rest,
Since they doctored on me , my aim ain’t been the best,

Damnit !,Shut up! the barking, It’s driving me up a tree!
Good! then you can see what’s happening, a whole lot better than me,

I only bark when necessary, you got no room to bitch,
Is it your snoring or a tornado, I cain’t tell which is which,

You worried about your e-phone ears? you know I ain’t to blame,
You’ve had that thing hanging in your ear ever since I came,

You wave your arms and slap the wall , what did it say to you?
The way you scream and yell sometimes, it must be hard of hearing too,

You know I ain’t the smartest dog that’s what the scientist say,
Here’s what I gotta tell you, I know this much anyway,

With a PHD from Harvard, I’d still need a helping hand,
Be, Damned !, it’s hard to be a dog, trying to train a man!

© 2021 Tom Leftwich