loosin' myself from the trappin's of life,
that cause so much mis'ry, trouble and strife,
it's time to get comfy, relax instead,
to free myself, from my toes to my head,

off come the shoes, so my tootsies can breathe,
in high heels, they're beggin' to be unsheathed,
*ow* cramp in the arch, it's time for a soak,
i'd **love** to give the inventor a poke,

i've been bound, it's time that i've been set free,
released from torment, time to breathe easy,
let go, damn girdle!! loose tummy and thighs!
it is long past time i accept my size,

off comes the bra, o! rapturous release!
(that damn underwire has left a crease),
*ahhhhh* much better now, free to flop around,
a pox on who said boobies must be bound,

time for the makeup to come off my face,
it's time for the real me to take its place,
they say that makeup can make one look young,
not in my case: old age to me has clung,

off with her head!! nope--it's only my wig,
hair ain't too thick, there's only a few sprigs,
geez, i hope that no-one comes to the door,
they see me like this...they may hit the floor!!
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woman...thy name is vanity!! :)