and did i ever tell you about the time
i nearly got away with the perfect crime?
it was on christmas eve, many years ago,
this is the story...and this is how it goes...
gramma and us twins shared a room together,
we had twin beds, gramma's was made of feathers,
i was bored...i couldn't decide what to do,
nothin' on t.v., books read...restlessness grew,
what to do, what to do...jump on gramma's bed?
yeah! that sounds like fun (unless i cracked my head),
so the world's best gymnast is what i would be,
climbed up on the bed and let my dreams run free,
karen (my twin) said, "you best git down from there,
if they catch you, you ain't gonna have a prayer,"
told her to hush (but watch for 'em anyway),
she rolled her eyes, watched my energetic play,
i'm at the olympics, goin' for the gold,
the world's greatest gymnast...look at her, behold!
to end her routine, she cuts a perfect flip,
sticks the landing--then the mat began to tip,
*crack* something snaps...it interrupted my play,
*o crud broke gramma's bed IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE DAY*
awwwwww man my butt they're gon' search out and destroy,
tomorrow's christmas...i ain't gon' git no toys,
fix it up fix it up while they're not at home,
*geez whatta mess i'm glad i was home...alone!*
i propped up the busted side with some thick books,
made gramma's bed perfect--best it ever looked,
family came home, i didn't say a word,
days passed with nothin' untoward observed,
christmas came and went, i got many nice things,
o, how i loved christmas and the joy it brings!
about four months later...that's when IT happened,
gramma got into bed...down went the foot end!
gramma commenced to cussin'...boy, was SHE sore,
gramma used words that i never heard before,
wouldn't have got in trouble, the fact remains,
all the books i'd propped the bed with had my name!!!!
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LESSON LEARNED: if yer gon' git in
trouble...make sure yer name ain't
anywhere on the evidence!!!!