*sung to the tune of "hello muddah, hello, faddah (a letter from camp)"

bonjour maman, bonjour papa
i am here...but do i gotta
do ya hate me? i'm sure of it
('cause you sen' me campin' at camp bugsdidbit)

when i gots here...los' my bug spray
and da skeeters...have a field day
an' my body...dem skeeters bite
(dem damn mosqitoes don' wait t' bite 'til da night)

den dem chiggers...dey gits me, too
my sunburn legs...dey gnaw an' chew
den we add...a couple leeches
(an' when de couns'ler sees dem, she commence with screeches)

i don' know why...da bugs like me
dey drivin' me...pure t-crazy
now i gots 'em...in my bed now
(da couns'ler say she ain't seen nothin' like it no how)

now my tent is...gots some spiders
big 'uns too...'bout big as gliders
freaks da girls out...dey don't got near
(say...mebbe dat will keep 'em away from me next year!)

now dere's bugs...playin' in my hair
no one near me...dey runnin' scared
gotta stay in...won't let me play
(i t'ink dey're gonna overdose me wit' dat bug spray)

t'ink i caught...west nile virus
gave my t'ings...t' cousin sirus
jus' tell my parents...THANKS A LOT
dere son died at camp bugsdidbit, bayou itchalot!!!!
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*shivers*

i hates campin...'cause of the BUGS