You've seen it a thousand times,
You make any excuse,
But now you have visitors,
Their excitement is profuse,

They want to take the Grand Tour,
See everything in sight,
They have read all the brochures,
You try to be polite,

Dinner at five (guess who pays),
Followed by a movie,
You're wiped--they're ready to play,
(and they think you're groovy),

So you play the gracious host,
Inside you want to SCREAM,
(Almost bedtime, almost),
A fantasy!  a dream!

They decide to stay the night,
What night? It's nearly dawn!
You are getting more uptight
And half your money's gone

You finally hit the sheets,
It's only six a.m.,
Mumble words you can't repeat,
(A bit stronger than "damn"),

They wake you--"Let's hit the road!
Your eyes are crossed and unclear
(Tickin' time bomb will explode,
They don't get outta here),

What time is it?  Nine o' clock,
And you just want to sleep,
Get up, mumbling some more
Gosh darn it *beep beep BEEEEEP,*

Take them out, you see the sights,
That you have seen before,
You'll make THEM see Northern Lights,
If they don't leave--it's war!

After the long day is done,
They take their leave and go,
You cannot take no more fun,
And now you need more dough!

You go to bed--then *ding dong!*
O dang O crud O drat!!!!!
The nightmare is prolonged,
"Our tire has a flat..."

(C) karla dorman, 2003