Read Ed Matlack's "Allergic to Gravity," thought I'd repost this to let him know he's not alone--I feeeeeel your pain. I'm allergic, too LOL :)

Clumsy--that's me all over
I can trip over something
Like a dip in the ground
Or over absolutely NOTHING at all
Cane and feet in perfect syncopation
Rythmic meter, going along at a nice clip
Then, WHAM, when I least expect it
*twinkletoes*
Landing in an embarrassed heap
Feeling my cheeks turn redder than red
Especially if someone has seen me fall
AND SOMEONE ALWAYS SEES ME FALL
*How embarrassing*
You never saw anyone get up so fast in your life
*God, I hope nobody saw that*
"Are you all right?"
*WHADDAYA THINK???*
I've tripped and fallen at work--several times
Stupid non-skid shoes are NOT non-skid
(Like the company says they are)
On that skating rink
of grease and water build up
that is the kitchen area
I'm suddenly taking ice skating lessons
AND I CAN'T EVEN SKATE
sliiiiiipping and sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiding
*twinkletoes*
BAM fall and bust it--HARD
Fell in the ice machine once
That didn't feel too good
*That's gonna leave a mark*
"Are you all right?"
*WHADDAYA THINK???*
Fell under a bus once--REALLY
I'd caught the bus to go to work
During an ice storm
A trip that normally took twenty minutes
Took over an hour and a half
Thought we were gonna buy it once or twice
When the driver (safely, finally) got to my stop
I asked him to wait 'til I was on the sidewalk
JUST TO BE ON THE SIDE OF CAUTION
The cane I was using slipped
*twinkletoes*
Yep--slid right under the bus
"Whaddaya doin under there?"
*WHADDAYA THINK I'M DOIN...CHECKIN YOUR BRAKES*
I don't fall down stairs--I fall UP them
Going up the stairs at my apartment once
I tripped, carrying a box of hardback books
*twinkletoes*
WHAM BAMMM OWWWWWW nauseating pain
The box landed on my poor defenseless left foot
MY LEFT FOOT WAS FLATTER THAN A FLITTER
Had to have surgery and had to use crutches
More fun *twinkletoes*
I'D TRIP ON THE DANG CRUTCHES OR HIT THE PINS
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
AND HERE I WANT TO BE AN AUTHOR
BOOKS AND ME DON'T ALWAYS GET ALONG
And now I have nerve damage
From an old war wound (back injuries)
This sometimes causes my foot to drag
I call it "hooking my foot"
At unexpected moments
*twinkletoes*
I GUESS IT'S A GOOD THING I DON'T DRINK
I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE WALKING WHEN I'M SOBER

(C) Copywritten and Revised, 2003, Karla Dorman.