you know that I see myself in you
young to love and eager
willing to impale your heart on a stake
for the slight chance that YES! THIS IS THE ONE!
and I see him in myself now
watching your headlong plunge toward the mire
that is human emotion
knowing that, while I think you're great,
I'm going to break your heart
and I don't have the will to prevent it
I let you hold me and over your shoulder
I see his ghost
I let you kiss me and in my mind
I retreat back to a past embrace
yes this is going to be the pain
upon which you measure every touch
for the rest of your life
and, God help me, I can't stop this
the words slide from my lips
cold, stinging, bitter on my tongue
and as they pass my stomach turns
with the realization
of just how deep the lie goes
in the night I can pretend that I'm alive again
that your arms are someone elses
and that your love is not your own
but when you pull away
and your guileless nature
is reflected in your eyes like limpid pools
that unknowingly condemn me to a self-made hell
all I can think of is how you will surely cry
and how the next girl will hate me
just as I hated her
for hardening an innocent soul
I think I'll forever abuse myself for allowing this
for looking into the future and knowing what will come
for having felt the debilitating pain
that could move one to destroy one's own life
and not doing anything but letting you smother me
drown me in your unsuspecting love
hold the weight of your emotion over my face
until I cease to breathe
and when I no longer breathe
you will scream at the heavens
you will cry out injustice
and write such horribly pathetic poetry
in an attempt to regain some singularity
and convince me that you are better
than whoever will come next
that you love me like no one could
so I'm suppose to settle
oh yes, I see myself in you
loving in a mist
purposely blinding your own heart
so that you can pretend the pain won't come
and I see him in me
finding comfort in another's presence
but not having the strength to cut the ties
before the curtains fall and the world dies.