It's this pulsating beat that drives me mad
The pit-pat-patter of a misguided gesture
The thump-thadump-shatter of naive notions
You said it all too clearly but look at me, a girl
You could have shouted it from the sun
And I would have come still
Driving determinedly through any weather
Tires slicing through concrete obstacles
(and the even more obvious red flags
born of a logic gone far too unnoticed)
I would press my way through the thick,
Gray fog night after night, eyes bleary and dry
Just for the off-chance that the door would open
And my arms would find you a bit more receptive
A bit more warm than all the times before
Like the night we kissed in your kitchen
And I could feel all your inner demons run
Could feel you pressed against me
Like there was no possibility of green fading to red
Oh yes,.... the agony of time undone
The pain of memories turned to weapons
Knives flung hard
at this thump-thadump-shattered heart
The smell of those days began choking me
And the long-foreseen end arrived
I did my best to hold my head high
You said "Goodbye." I said "Alright."
(well I lied)

One could say it was simply
The inevitable mistakes of youth
But each time I slid back into your arms
I knew it was only to deny myself an end
To pretend, if only for a moment, you were mine
I had feared you would hate me for this need
For these errant hands and lips that so loved your skin
In the night ... in the darkness that hides all...
You were an extension of me again
And each sweet contact brought me to the edge
So close to insanity I nearly died from wishing alone
Wanting so badly it almost seemed this pit-pat-patter heart
Would end in one final crescendo.. and never beat again
But the morning light revealed the hideous claws
Dug deep within my inner skin
And you were gone once more
You said "Goodbye." and I said "Yes, I know."
(well, I tell you... I lied)

To run is truly blissful, and ignorance ... ecstasy
The tiny pinpricks of day to day life
Turned to the gaping stab wounds of seeing you again
Then turned to the vicious rending of flesh
When one of the low-women appeared
Those eager, grasping monsters that I had fought to ignore
And well...one has only so much flesh to rend
Before one must do as the true cowards do ... and run
I not only ran from you baby... I flew... I swam...
I flung my torn, remnants of a soul as far as I could
But I am a girl, and I throw like a girl
You found me yet again...
Hated me for the errant hands and kisses
I could feel it in the sudden steel beneath your skin
But your boyish smile tugged hard at the hem of my mind
Pulled me far back into my own version of purgatory
Hell must truly be a massive heartbreak
For this is no greater pain than your lips on mine
When I know the man behind them exists for me no more
Every day you repeat the words
As if the sun has wiped my memory clean of the agony
And I've finally found the strength to realize it must be true
So "Goodbye." I say.
(... I lie)