I want to
throw my half empty
burger king refillable
onto the cement
in front of Home Depot
stomp with both feet
at one time
shake my head violently
as you look back at me aghast
and refuse to move one inch
I want to throw a fit
until I'm fit to be tied
and bound and gagged
to rage against
this lazy slow sunday
I want to
sit and stare
at these unfamiliar walls
that have suddenly
taken on a new meaning
created themselves a
new meaning to me
and scream silent tantrums
at memories and smells
and sounds and sensations
that absolutely dig a knife
deep into my head
my heart, my eyes,
my breath . . .
I want to
bite viciously
into the words
I cant speak
to chew them up
and roll them on my tongue
and punish them
for choking me
every time
you're around
I want to
pick up this gun
this knife
this bottle
this capsule
this rope
and do with it
whatever makes
this life worth leaving
to love it and
caress it
in a way I've never
known myself
to do it justice
and give it a purpose
for existing
through the end
of my existance
I want to
live in you
part of you
all of you
be you
so that you
can never leave me
to be your eyes
to be your lips
to be your voice
to be your hands
so that I'd never
have to do without them
I want to
shake this lethargy
feel anything at all
breathe normally
love abnormally
be forgiven
not mistaken
be understood
not hated
be loved
I want
I want
I want.