I'm walking into the rain with candle glued to hand, persistant
nursing the flame that refuses to stay resurrected long
the deformity that is child in a woman's body watches me
from a window perch, her ugly black poodle-mut in her lap
and grins with a glazed look in her eyes
above her in a window much the same
sits a little boy, face strained from the stress of growing up
voice sober with the weight of an old soul
looking after me as I walk further away from our childhood
and into the arms of that which was least expected
that which fits none of my standards or desires
but makes me happy all the same -for now-
the bridges burn in my wake with startling ferocity
I've never felt solid ground beneath my feet
always one step ahead of the flames with no chance of return
one step away from being consumed by my mistakes
and irreversibly made into the world's favorite joke
told in every baudy beer house and pool hall
I'll have become the ice-breaker, cheap amusement
no one will remember my love for you
and that in loving you I became God-like
they'll only know that I've failed to walk this track
failed to fit within their lines and follow their rules
rules which they hope could equate to harmony
sometimes I could scream until the end of time
when the air in my lungs was gone I'd exhale agony
sometimes I feel as if these constraints on my heart
are killing me with slow precision.