There were days just before spring turned to summer
when the sunlight would shine through the innumerous leaves
of the enourmous tree blocking any view within or without my window
my room would become a surreal maze of dappled light
the walls shifting and crawling on their beams
as if they were just as anxious as I was
days when the heaviest thing weighing on my mind
was the story of how my daddy wouldn't come to the hospital when I was born
because I refused to be born a boy
they're gone, long gone and I can't quite decide
if I miss them or just dread the path I'm taking now so greatly
daddy called to see how much I'd fucked up today
just to ask if Chicago had kicked my ass yet
and was I gonna run home crying
back to that room with it's imprisoned light to match my imprisoned soul
but I only tell him he's no different from any other man in my life
never willing to understand the workings of my mind
never allowing me the small encouragement that I've wanted so many years
for so many years why couldn't they just believe in me?
here the winter lasts long into the spring
the cold snuffing out any fire the sun would lend through my window
and this window is just as sunless as his understanding of me
could love surmount such a bitter gap?
or am I destined to live in the shadow of those
who will ever hold themselve's higher than me...