An attempt to impress a classy lady goes awry.

She's isn't done when the cab arrives,
Still putting on her face.
Don't know what pleasure she derives,
By setting this slow pace.

Descends the stairs with charm and grace,
And blows a loving kiss,
Then asks, as I admire her face,
“does my ass look big in this?”

So proud to have her on my arm,
we enter the theatre.
I'd never do this woman harm,
Life never has felt better.

We take our seats, the lights go down,
I feel her warmth beside me.
I'm like a king with a golden crown,
By her side I always will be.

Later when we have our meal,
At the best exclusive place
Other guys, a glance they steal,
her beautiful angel face.

The conversation goes quite well,
I tell a stupid joke.
It wasn't the one I meant to tell,
And she chokes on an artichoke.

She coughs and splutters, gasps for air,
Her face is turning red.
My chance becoming less than fair,
Of taking her to bed.

I slap her hard upon her back,
Just trying to be helpful.
Her head slumps down, her lips go slack,
her eyes are dull and woeful.

The artichoke flies through the air,
hits girl right in the eye.
She just fell backwards off her chair,
I thought she'd surely die.

Her husband came and threw a punch,
I ducked, it hit my loved one.
She'd managed to throw up her lunch,
And now her two front teeth gone.

The ambulance has been and gone,
She stopped me going with her.
I thought that she would be the one,
I'll find someone who's cheaper.
(Guess I'm not cut out for wining and dining
classy broads.)