There is Too Much, Too Much Air Around Me (poem) by Charlie on AuthorsDen

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Charlie

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There is Too Much, Too Much Air Around Me
by Charlie → (All Poetry by Charlie)
Monday, April 27, 2015 Rated "G" by the Author.

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While driving through an Indian reservation, I happened to look up, and was amazed by how much the clouds looked like ships' sails.
I am in the bottom of an arid sea. There is too much, too much air around me. The billowy masts of invisible fleets are fleeing this land, Leaving North by Northeast, streaming trails of sails dissolving behind... On they come, ever onward and gone, dragging heavy phantoms of their hulking hulls, a skulking mass of shadows scudding across this scape below I would that I could go, Toss up my child and sail away from this shipyard full of ghosts and umbrage... But the one on which I'd go is all but gone, a memory just, and a ruff of rippling vapor... And I cannot breathe. I am scuttled--drowned--sunk by all this air around me.

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Reviews of "There is Too Much, Too Much Air Around Me"

Reviewed by Charlie

Reviewed on June 5, 2015

I love it, Leo. I just love you silly... --Cher

Reviewed by Leo Durrant

Reviewed on June 5, 2015

Very whisper-y, haunting, wistful. I love the "skulking mass of shadows" and the idea of drowning in air. I've had that feeling.

I lie between the sheets of grass and dew
tucked in tight beneath the dark sky
too tight
the expanse muffles
molds around me like plastic
Stifling
Smothering
I am of the earth
yet it pricks me still

Reviewed by Kate Burnside

Reviewed on May 7, 2015

Very Pirates of the Caribbean, Charlie! :) Usually one associates a stifling, oppressive weight beneath fathoms of ocean but you have cleverly wrought this poetic conceit of 'too much air' through your billowy repetitions in the first stanza that stream and continue to scud through following lines: 'fleet' and 'fleeing'; 'trails' and 'sails'... then on to the sinking feeling of 'hulls' and 'hulking', 'skulking'. Love that you got in 'umbrage' which in itself is a shadowy mist of a word. My one teeny-tiny suggestion might be 'scuppered' instead of 'scuttled', although the latter is good with the t/d sounds; 'scuppered' might sound nautical and harks back to the preceding 'rippling' pps. Very atmospheric and foreboding. Interesting 'Toss up my child'-business; very appropriate to return her to the surface to live and breathe. Great work as always. xx

Reviewed by Diana Wiles

Reviewed on May 1, 2015

Enigmatic piece of writing in true poetic style which disturbs yet fascinates...
I hope an escape can present itself in a more solid manner than the 'ruff of rippling vapor'...and the ghostly imagery abate to leave calming seas which give a rich breath of life once more...
Love,
Diana....

Reviewed by Christine Tsen

Reviewed on April 27, 2015

Astonishing! Charlie, you rock.
I'm not the writing talent you are but I can share delight in this kind of talent. Blessings,
Christine

Reviewed by Ronald Hull

Reviewed on April 27, 2015

A cool write, quite surreal.

Ron

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