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Patrick A Granfors

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Hamster's Regret
by Patrick A Granfors → (All Poetry by Patrick A Granfors)
   Rated "G" by the Author.
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I blame the pork industry.

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Poem Artwork

Back on my stinkin’ diet

I’m eating twigs and leaves

It’s not a resolution

And it all gives me the heaves

 

My doctor made me do it

He claims an oink I am

Doesn’t he watch commercials?

The other white meat is ham

 

I’m not a calorie counter

Don’t measure fat in grams

I ignore the carbohydrates

And concentrate on hams

 

I like ham smoked with hickory

I love ham that’s honey glazed

I love ham atop my pizza

Stacked so high you’d be amazed

 

Next week’s my day of reckoning

To answer Doctor’s call

Eating these damned twigs and leaves

Will have no effect at all

 

There’s just a tiny chance in hell

My cholesterol will be cut

And I’ll have to sit in quiet disgrace

As the doc chews on my butt

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2009  Patrick A. Granfors

 

 

 


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 Reviews of "Hamster's Regret"
Reviewed by Regis Auffray
Reviewed on January 17, 2010
I appreciate your wit and humor, Patrick; and your theme is most apt and timely as well. Thank you. Love and peace,

Regis

Reviewed by Annabel Sheila
Reviewed on January 12, 2010
Good one Patrick, very funny with a serious message. Actually I've been a twig eater for 10 years now. While I do eat fish, there's no meat or chicken whatsoever in my diet. It would amaze you how many delicious vegetarian products there are on the market now. Besides lots of veggies, I eat bologna,bacon,ground round,hot dogs,hamburgers, etc. and it's all made from soy. Good luck with your trip to the doctor.

Anna

Reviewed by Georg Mateos
Reviewed on January 12, 2010
Stop smoking says the doctor, puffing his cigar, it will kill you.
Quacks give me the willies, when they are right usually they are wrong, and when they are wrong they give you those blue pills...Oh boy!

Georg


Reviewed by Mr. Ed
Reviewed on January 12, 2010
My wife wouldn't eat the Twig and Leaf Pizzas I made for her, so now I hide 'em in her soup! And Good Luck.

Reviewed by Ch'erie de Perrot
Reviewed on January 12, 2010
I concur with Eileen lol...puleeese go easy on Porky pigs rellies m8
Tis best in the end.
Though I got a giggle outa this :):)
Ch'erie xx

Reviewed by E T Waldron
Reviewed on January 12, 2010
poor patrick! Haven't you learned the lesson yet "all things in moderation" ! You wouldn't have to give it up if you didn't pver eat it!
good luck with your results!;-)

ET

Reviewed by Louisa Dobbins
Reviewed on January 11, 2010
I'm going on a veggie and water diet.

Reviewed on January 11, 2010
Aha, enlightenment, pork makes pork, put in a cork, stop your oozing veins, I know there are no pains, still cholesteral it hurts, a stroke or heart attack, is not painless, your life, it soon with danger flirts. Now after the admonishment, a funny story, my cholesterol went to ten, my doctor panicked, so I went like you on only greens, and guess what, after nine month of pure agony, my cholesterol went up, some people's livers are just outrages, and make up for any shortfall, so you have to be patient, better that, than being a dead patient. Over all this long time, I've become a Vegetarian by choice, for I've made the effort to make for things in meat I liked, changed tastebuds and all, I feel better, physically, and hope to help in an enlightened way to do my bit for the planet and the suffering of animals, ( Now almost all in factory farms,)
it also helps me to stay on track. You have my sympathies Patrick, it's a hard trial you're going through all around, my prayers too.
Jasmin Horst


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