Go north young man

The boss did say

To an outreach workshop

For just half the day

So I get up at five

And then catch my plane

Frisco is foggy

But at least there’s no rain

A regional air jet

How could I know

They’d send half of us fat boys

To sit in the back row

To balance the aircraft

The pilot tried to explain

I need less weigh on the nose

Or I can’t fly this plane

Out on the tarmac

For about half an hour

While the traffic controllers

For our route they did scour

Landed in Frisco and

Then caught a cab

Forty dollars for ten miles

My driver did nab

The workshop was painless

We were completed by noon

An early Friday departure

My favorite tune

Security’s a nightmare

And I’m under the gun

I’ve got a great chance

To catch the flight leaving at one

I arrive at the gate

But the agent is shifty

I can get you on standby

For a mere extra fifty

I just shake my head

And respectfully decline

I’ll wait until four

And just stare at the line

A ten dollar sandwich

And an eight dollar beer

I listen with amusement

As the announcement I hear

The one o’clock’s been delayed

Until two forty five

Sixteen more dollars

Help me survive

We get on my aircraft

Precisely at four

It’s never a good sign

When they don’t shut the door

They roust us back out

Into terminal two

Departure’s delayed

They can’t find our crew

From Fresno the pilot

Arrives but there’s doubt

The toilet is broken

And they must yank it out

The next flight’s at 6:10

But the seats are all sold

The joy of air travel

Is getting remarkably old

Sixteen more dollars

Provide temporary relief

Then a miracle happens

To my sincere disbelief

A co-worker spies me

United status 1K

He consults with an agent

And we’re suddenly away

I must have bumped someone

And that hardly seems fair

One of a hundred more reasons

Not to travel by air

Copyright 2010 Patrick Granfors