I was watching the evening news last night in between the standard barrage of Viagra and Hemorrhoid ads when Charmin Bathroom Tissue stole their thunder…and I quote, “Enjoy going more often while using less paper”

Excuse me?

Did I hear you correctly?

I am now encouraged to take more dumps simply for their enjoyment?

While saving the environment of course.

Folks I'm sorry but I’ve been told to exercise more,  eat less,  watch my blood pressure, get a colorectal screening, get some help getting it up, take my vitamins,  but this…….Some dumb ass bear encouraging me to enjoy my shit in the woods more often??

It only makes sense in one context, the fiber people are in a giant conspiracy

with the Charmin people. I mean really, all I see on TV are benefiber and Cheerios commercials insisting that I bulk up my colon for good health.

I’m all for good health and every thing, including helping out the environment. But something deep down inside me says its ok to use as much toilet paper as necessary to do the job right. And whether or not I enjoy myself going more often is none of Charmin’s business thank you. Now pass the Habanero’s please.

Copyright 2010 Patrick Granfors