Wanted to enhance what
wasn't there.  Bitten off;
fake nails should do the trick,
make me more ladylike.
Spent an evening gluing
them on, painting them - how
beautiful, how slender
my fingers looked!  Should have
done this years ago (or
kept digits out of mouth).
Trouble is, did not know
how hard it is to use
something you're not used to.
Next day, go to work:  a
waitress.  A gentleman
came in, ordered a baked
potato with all the
trimmings.  Served it to
him with a flourish:  did
not realize my fake
thumbnail was caught between
the metal plate and the
wooden one, underneath.
It came off, flew up and
into his potato ---
"Hey, lady, you missing
something?"  Needless to say,
there went my tip THAT time.
(And yes, still bite my nails!)

(c) 2008, Karla Dorman (5/23)