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Blogs by J AG
In Search of Healing 7/10/2008 5:12:08 AM
There are times when even the optimist feels down. You want to hope for the best, but that happy ending just isn't coming. There's this pesky problem of those around you just not cooperating. You know the script. You wrote it. All the lines and every action. The conflict. The resolution. It's all there in plain view. What's the problem?
Our need for security, to feel safe and sure about our lives and our world, at times seems as essential as being able to breathe. We want to know that everything will be alright, that the movies were telling us the truth, that there is an ending, and more often than not, the ending we prefer.
But life is not like a movie. Oh, it's got a framework, but rest is like living one long surprise party. As you go through each door, you don't know who is going to jump out, when, and whether or not you will be pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised when it's all said and done. Of course, once you get through one party, it's time to go through door number two, and so, perpetual surprises. Now, I like surprises to an extent, but this is life we're talking about. Everyday for X number of years, I am aware of basic information but have no control over what happens next.
True, this fact is part of what makes life exciting. Who really wants to live a dictated life, but there is something to be said of awareness and some idea about what, and who, is coming so we can prepare. It's like riding the rapids. You have your basic equipment. You know what the rapids are like, but each day, even minutes, are never the same. It might be the same river, the same boat, at the same time with the same people, but it's time has not stood still and we have no remote control to rewind, pause, erase, and/or do over, not in the sense of the same moment.
Thanks to the motion of life, however, every day is a do over, in a manner of speaking. And we hope that the lessons of the previous day will help in some way to alter the course of events more to our liking. If they don't, then we get to try again, and in the meantime, try to deal with our feelings, our humanity.
Logically we understand how the life works. Emotionally, well, that often is a different thing, and it's hard when you feel like you're living with a cancer, and you're the only one who knows it's there or values it for the painful severe effect it has on the quality of your life and you still haven't found the right treatment to rid yourself of it. In the movies, you'd just have the right script to become healthy again. In the real world, you just keep going on praying that one day you'll wake up and it just won't hurt anymore.
May your "cancers" be healed and you find peace in the surprises that come in your life.
