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Blogs by Diane L Littles
Am I satisfied with Self? 10/15/2008 2:08:05 PM
Looking at emotional intelligence in the midst of my personal issues. Finding more questions than answers. Examining my personal dilemma. So how do I get my emotions to benefit and not cripple me? This weekend brings more questions and my internal battle continues. My most intense emotions that are so difficult to balance, involve my relationship. Have you ever had several conflicting emotions at the same time? I will attempt to communicate my rollercoaster ride of emotions and thoughts.
The last line of, my horoscope for Tuesday, October 14, 2008 from Aol.com is
“….When you are satisfied with yourself, you can be happy no matter what circumstances you face.”
How do I apply this? In my personal life there are circumstances that are difficult to deal with. I am not saying things are hopeless. I just don’t know if I can deal with the consequences of my other’s actions. Now the specifics are not important. We tend to live in a soap opera mentality when it comes to people’s personal lives, as if we all don’t have our problems.
The point is that I don’t know if I can handle or want to deal with the consequences. I am not happy about the current situation with my other. Does this mean I am selfish? Does it mean that unconditional love is impossible for me to give? Should I open up to understand my other’s feelings? My other is only human and we hurt the ones we love. The real question for me is do I care to understand my other’s feelings right now? My own emotions are overwhelming there is no room with me right now for understanding my other. I can’t ignore this feminine energy within me. My emotions exist for reasons. I need to work through my emotions before I can deal with my other’s emotions. It is natural for me to pull back when my heart is wounded. Or should I say, when I allow my heart to be wounded. Why did I allow my heart to be wounded? Why is my heart wounded?
I am disappointed because my other did not meet my expectations. I expected more than my other could do. So now what? I cannot control someone else’s actions, thoughts or words. I can only control me.
Why am I holding on to my disappointment? Do expectations hurt or help? What benefit do I get from my heart being wounded? I need to let go of my expectations and just live in the moment. Living in the moment hurting is necessary for healing. I know this, living it isn’t so easy. (This is a complete understatement). I see where there is real meaningful progress with our relationship. My other’s life lessons have nothing to do with me.
One day at a time. I will get past my disappointment one day at a time. I feel what I feel.
Am I satisfied with self? Am I satisfied with self? What does that mean? I am not sure. How do I get my emotions to benefit and not cripple me?
I’ll start with looking within myself for the answer to, “Am I satisfied with self?”
