1) Grasp a piglet by rear hooves
     (Elders kick ya thru yorn roofs.)
2) Find a dress that buttons.
    (Guy had better wear a cup.)
3) Ask somebody (not too smart) to help.
    (Why do it by yornself?)
4) Have THEM button upside down.
     (T'is best ta choose a loose gown.)
5) Spread the bloomers W I D E open
     (Ta git 'em on keep pulling.)
6) Set 'er down on da floor
     (Watch 'em trip goin' out da door.)
7) Ya gotta pray 'er maws tied
     (Or dat sow will snap yorn hide)
8) When yorn laughter, race, is dun
     (reverse the steps 6-1)

It's wasting time to dress 'em
if they hit the sty or mess 'em.
But dis here da directions
(don't tell of our relation)

I'm da smart one in dis family!