It's a kinda long tale but then some Rattlesnakes are bigger than others

The Rattlesnake

The Brown back rattlesnake of Amador county
To me should have been given a killing bounty,

But for whatever reason that I might a missed,
He was put on the endangered species list,

A five hundred fine for killing two feet and under ,
What kind of an idiot made that blunder

More deadly than big ones, they don’t realize ,
And most that I killed were about that size

When the District Ranger came, , I was gonna be abrupt
About this stupid rule , I wanted to hit him up

He musta heard I was angry and headed for the Falls
Didn’t wanna argue or even talk to me at all

Well I raced outta camp and down the river that I ran
I had to get the truth about this rattle snake ban,

I was walking thru a pine grove when I happened to remember,
We had a big washout here back in September,

I should a been careful, you gotta understand,
Roots and sometimes rattlers , mixing in the washed out sand.

Then I saw Ranger Bill he was standing on the shore
He yelled pretty loud , to get above the river roar,

I shoulda been more careful when I yelled for a repeat,
A big rattlesnake exploded buzzing at my feet,

I froze in motion, God I never moved a hair,
You know what I’m saying if you’ve ever been there,

I grabbed up a root, Dang lucky it was free,
Started in beatin that Rattler hard as I could be,

Bill came a running, couldn’t hear what he said,
Seemed like forever then the snake he was dead.

Bill said Tom, I hate to write you, this citation,
But you know me and my reputation.

I said Bill you’re looney, crazy as can be
That dang Rattler’s almost as big as me,

Look at that sucker , it’s a lead pipe cinch,
He’s five feet long , if he’s one dang inch,

Bill said Yeah his size, I really do agree,
But I’m not writin you a ticket on him you see.

You thought it was a root and this tale will seem a myth,
That was a two foot rattler that you killed him with.

Epilogue:
Down in Death Valley,in the year of ninety five ,
I shared this tale with the best liars left alive,

I won first place as the champion that year,
Then I told the judges , I’m sorry but I fear,
I can’t accept this award that you’re giving me here,

This is an amateur contest, it says so on your flier
I can’t accept this trophy, I’m a professional Liar!

Copyright © 2017 tom leftwich