A little humor for New Year!

Soaked or Snockered


I reckon the blind leading the blind is something that I mastered,
Kinda like the pie eyed leading the stoned and plastered,

Sometimes being drunk is better than you think,
Makes it really easy to justify another drink,

I Don’t have to worry about driving in my car,
I cain’t remember if I drove it down here to the bar,

I’ll just walk home, that’ll be a whole lot easier,
But I ain’t sure I remember where that is either,

“Officer , my name is Jolly, like; For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow,”
Well mister Jolly good fellow, that light was red not yellow,

I‘ed say you may be soaked or snockered , may be both, I fear,
But you can’t lie in the inter section, you’ll get run over here,

Stop sign’s can’t say it any better, They’re plain as they can be,
“Officer, my hearing’s bad I didn’t hear them talkin to me.”

Look, I’m gonna call for backup help, there’s just my partner, Dempsey,
“Officer, we won’t need no help, my bottle’s almost empty,”

Mister you’re a nasty case, don’t need no sobriety test,
The best thing we can do for you is put you under arrest,

I think you’re in need of medical help, You need incarceration,
No your honor, it seems to me, I think I’ve had that operation,

Hey , I’m not your honor, I’m just the patrolman on your street,
But I’m sure the judge will remember you as a multiple repeat,

Have you ever been cited, doing a DUI, or never had none,
I been sighted doin lots of stuff, but never seen doing that one,

The deed you and I was seen doin, was it nasty stuff,
Jolly you are crazy, it’s driving under the influence , the fines are pretty rough

Well unless it was that rail road track replacement blunder,
The Influence is an overhead, I cain’t remember driving under,

Mister I’m gonna stand you up or spread a litter on the ground,
Officer, I think I’m standing, you’re the one that’s lying down,

Wasted, Delaney, let’s load him up then we can take a breather,
Sergeant says , we don’t have to rush , he’s not anxious to see him either,

Station Sergeant say’s, you must be Jolly , they were to bring you in,
I don’t understand why are you alone , where are my two men?

Outside laying on the sidewalk ,Me, I’m sobered up, but I’m still shakin bad,
It’s the fastest terrorizing trip, that I’ve ever had ,

They blasted down the Main street, flashing lights, a screaming siren and full ,wide open Throttle,
This was after they had finished off my spare, and half empty bottle!


Happy New Year!
© 2020 Tom Leftwich