I'm stuffed in purses
and in your pockets
I wipe your nose
and eye sockets

At dinner tables
they say excuse me
Pull me out
and then abuse me

I'm white, I'm pink
and even blue
I'm especially handy
for the flu

And I'm around
when you feel blue
When broken hearts
make a big boo-hoo

I'm softer than
a baby's butt
Come in handy
for a razor cut

I'm strong as the wind
in a sneeze
I'm held nose tight
if you cut the cheese

I mop your brow
when you sweat
I'm the handiest thing
in your toilette

Think of me
when you got to blow
Or take me to
a romantic show

But what really, really
fills me with glee
Is when you blot your lipstick
off on me