Our bodies have special wrappers
with tiny, little one-way flappers.
There are millions in our skin.
Water gets out, but never in.

I sweat buckets if it's hot.
If it's cold, then I do not.
Everytime that I warm up
then I tend to puddle up.
If I'm hot, my flappers flip
and my skin begins to drip.
But, you know, if I get cold
then my flappers start to fold.

What then if my flapperstat
forgot how hot to open at?

I would swell up like a hog
if I had a water clog.
It would rust my flooded tummy.
My bones would be all wet and gummy.
My brain would float inside my head.
I'd be sold as a waterbed.
If my sweat could not get out
my nose would be a waterspout.
My feet would look like porky pies.
Fish would swim inside my eyes.
My belt would bust from my big belly
and I would walk like jiggley jelly.
My arms would be like ballpark franks.
My behind as big as Sherman Tanks.

But...if my flappers wouldn't close
I would leak like a garden hose.
My insides would turn to dust.
My skin would be a hardened crust.
My...well, just remember to check
your flapperstat ever so often.