The earth was pretty much a mess,
what with all the murders, rapes,
theft, gluttony, greed and, oh yea,
smarmy televangelist.

God said, "JC, I don’t understand
these ungrateful humans.
After all I’ve given them,
air, water, oil, lots of dirt,
animals to kill "for food",
airplanes, computers.
post-it-notes and MP3s. I don’t get it."

JC hesitantly answered,
"Dad, I know you’re all powerful
and you went to a lot of work
to make the heavens and earth
but you have no marketing skills."

To which God said, "Whaddaya mean?
I gave them a garden, but no,
that wasn’t good enough.
I gave them ten pretty good
guidelines to live by.
When they got in trouble
I poked old Rameses ll in the eye
pretty good too.
And above all, I gave them you."

"First off Dad," JC responded,
"That Garden of Eden stuff
is pretty outlandish,
especially after you leave all those
Monkey Man bones laying around.
Not to mention those dinosaur bones.
Good Lord Dad, get real"
(Don’t cuss son, I mean it)
"Sorry. But look Dad; Commandments?
Since when did a human
like to be told what to do?
You should know, you made them.
Perhaps you could have called them
The Ten Pretty Good Suggestions.?

"Now I know you had me
die on the cross for their sins,
for which I don’t hold a grudge,
but a Virginal Birth? Walking on water?
Raising the dead? Water to Wine?
Feeding five thousand people?
What were you thinking?"

"And speaking of my birth and death.
Look what they did with it. Rudolph,
a Fat Man and a Rabbit.
Now that, is marketing."

To which God said,
"You want me to be like a,
what did you call it,
a smarmy televangelist?"

Jesus put his arms around his Dad
and said, "No Dad,
I love you too much for that.
But, you do need to get rid
of all those Monkey Bones."