Divorce
discourse
seems no one is
willing to ride
the horse
of course of course
it’s a talking horse
with tales to tell
of heavenly dreams
and a marriage from hell
while babes toss
pennies in the wishing well
childlike visions in the night
spread their lies
saying it's all alright
mommy and daddy
didn’t have that fight
that children know
after all in sweet innocence
was all their fault
leaving rejection and emotions
alive in a vault
to be opened at
a later date
destroying future lives
through excavated hate
Mommy, why does daddy hate me?
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Reviews of "Alive in a Vault"
Reviewed by Peter Schlosser (Reader)
Reviewed on June 28, 2009
Frozen trauma carried forth and most certainly to be repeated. Know it well. Great poem!
I think this has a lot of potential, needs some work (as do most of mine). The rhythm felt confusing to me, kinda off. The message powerful, and powerfully put, though. The last line was a real grabber. I liked the tone, the way in the beginniing it is almost silly, which to me reflects the obsurdity of what people in divorce are like (my own divorce in particular). This poem aptly reflects the obsurdity and confusion and destructiveness of parental fighting and fall out of divorce. A courageous and honest piece. (I try not to dole out tens unless I feel the piece is perfect, so 8 is my way of saying this is really good, although it may need some work in my view....
Reviewed by Keith Brinson (Reader)
Reviewed on July 29, 2002
Been there. Done that. My boys were told that Daddy didn't care. Later they learned the truth. The mother, although good to her children is more lonely now because of her lies.
This poem had good insight on this sensitive subject.
A note to Trask. Everyone deals with pain differently...whether they do so in a good way or not. You can not advise someone to handle things in a way that is not natural for them to do so. I wish we could help people to overcome pain, but we can't...all we can do is listen.
Good work, hon. :)
Reviewed by Sailor Neptune (Reader)
Reviewed on July 29, 2002
A sensitive subject you
prestend so well
for that I
admire your poem
GC
Reviewed by Kit Tunstall (Reader)
Reviewed on July 28, 2002
Excellent, emotional, and insightful.
Reviewed by Russ Okamura (Reader)
Reviewed on July 28, 2002
What is truly amazing is your ability to take common words and add the thunder of profoundness, the spirit of wisdom, and the empathy of my soul till my emotion drizzle’s with rain. I’m in awe.
Powerful message, Lori...I heartily agree with everyone else. Excellent!
Gina
Reviewed by Chris Stevens (Reader)
Reviewed on July 28, 2002
excellent write... yes so often children become the ones hurt the most in a divorce!!!!!
hugs,
Chris
Reviewed by Katy Walsvik (Reader)
Reviewed on July 28, 2002
WOW!! "excavated hate.." god,lori, thats great writing! the pain that keeps on giving..you conveyed huge emotion in few words.. really well done! katy.
Reviewed by Justin Wolf (Reader)
Reviewed on July 28, 2002
Bravo. I wish there were more words, but that is the only one I can use to express the beauty of this. Bravo indeed.
Reviewed by Rita Putatunda (Reader)
Reviewed on July 28, 2002
Great write--Trask's sermonising is uncalled for--If it were that easy to let go, there wouldn't be any prob at all--Love is not a toy to merely let go--Looking back is a must to learn and to try and understand--
Reviewed by na na (Reader)
Reviewed on July 28, 2002
Yes, the question so often asked by children, "Why does Daddy hate me?" Why indeed? You have a good heart hon. Be calm inside and the outward flow will move you into the mainstream of life. Bill Hugs
this put me in mind of Steve writings at first........know the feeling all to well thanks Trask for the advice it serves more than you think thanks for sharing the poem as well very good job
Then look . It As You Just Do Not Know How Lucky you Are___ as Daddy Does Not Hate
You (Children)___ It Is Is Own Hate He Cannot See Of Himself!If You as Woman Lets Go
Just Maybe He Will Learn To Love (You) Your Children,i.e. (God) Always Open's Your Eyes To The Sad But TRUTH!
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Nancy
"They are the worse;
Who encourage divorce,
They are the worse."
A note to Trask. Everyone deals with pain differently...whether they do so in a good way or not. You can not advise someone to handle things in a way that is not natural for them to do so. I wish we could help people to overcome pain, but we can't...all we can do is listen.
Good work, hon. :)
prestend so well
for that I
admire your poem
GC
Gina
hugs,
Chris
Light and love, Jo
May Lu $*_*$ / Sandie Angel :o)
1st Do Not look Back__
Then look . It As You Just Do Not Know How Lucky you Are___ as Daddy Does Not Hate
You (Children)___ It Is Is Own Hate He Cannot See Of Himself!If You as Woman Lets Go
Just Maybe He Will Learn To Love (You) Your Children,i.e. (God) Always Open's Your Eyes To The Sad But TRUTH!
TRASK