Wow, imagery, symbolism, and deep pathos, excellent composition. You captured the pain that all creatures feel upon seeing home destroyed. I live in the forest too, and have been too close to wildfires like this.
I am tempted to change the ending lines to something like this "how long until forest fire is but a distant memory on the horizon?"
And in the line "have fled" I am tempted to add a destination - what is the place where they have fled? Not necessarily an exact place but some place. Or maybe how they fled. Or maybe say they have vanished instead.
Those are just my suggestions. Do with them as you please...
It also seems weird to me that you have one line that just says the word OR. Is there a reason why you chose to have it on a line by itself?
I think, in time, all things can be forgotten, but at least with nature, it renews itself...for us, as humans, it is not so easy... your write is thoughtful, as always, Regis ~Hugs, Elizabeth
Although I'm certain this is my first time reading this poem on your page, I can't help but feel I have heard it before.
Perhaps my High School English teacher was an Authorsden reader? It sounds like an example we used in class, when studying alliteration and other poetic devices that come so naturally to you.
If not, perhaps this poem is just a shining example, on par with other great poetry that my genius English teacher shows us in class. Either way, it's obviously a great write, because it'd be a great honor if this particular teacher EVER used one of my works as an example.
Thanks for the read.
Reviewed by Alicia wizard (Reader)
Reviewed on January 18, 2009
This is a wonderful worded portrait you have painted here Regis. I have a piece called windowpane that would be rather a precursor to this piece. Check it out when you get the chance.
(I'll try again -- if you don't end up hating me.)
Terrific picture. And a nice poem, Regis. (I take it as being one of your "famous" ones, as it seems to have had a good circulation.) Still, a question to consider, how much is the picture needed? Sure, it adds. But without, would it be the same poem? Undoubtedly it hasn't always been published so. Therefore, the poem stands rather well alone. Yet I'm curious as to why you've chosen to not use periods.
Indeed, the modern trend is to eschew punctuation. Though I'm not sure that's always wise. Punctuation does rather give one the way of reading it as the poet intended; a guide to more closely align what/how the poet meant to express, or thought. Trends change, of course. I wonder how our era will be perceived by those long after (providing the planet and inhabitants are still here) -- which again, may be doubtful. And then, it won't matter.
You have some really nice things going here, fine images that are simple, yet soar.... I would however, try to not overly repeat a word or phrase, when it's not truly necessary. (Naturally, unless repetition is sought for... as point or effect.) Example: we have two deads and a death. One dead might be sufficient. The first one.
Maybe the second could rephrase as:
Its denizens scorched
or fled.
Economy of language is the key to good poetry. You started well, and should "continue" well. (Too many has's or have's take it from poetic thought to plain statements.) Showing us the first half, a series of images... then the last half a series of statements.
I've heard it often said a poem is only as good as it's ending.
(Gives the body a foot to stand on; anchors all that has gone before.) Might you then consider:
Death has made dominion,
time seems to have stopped.
How long
before the roots change
... return
what needs forgotten?
Of course, it is not for me to rewrite another's work; most of us do not welcome that. I'm just trying to direct your thought processes to a leaner stance. Shall we say -- is it poetry, or "poesy"? Both mean the same, but the connotations differ. So much on Author's Den is really poetastery. And I doubt few have picked up anything other than their own diaries. That is not the way to learn how to write poetry. We all have feelings, and they may need to be expressed. Fine, great! It can be theraputic; it can be "personal"; it can be art. And it doesn't have to be loftily intellectual. (After all, libraries are full of that which no one really reads.) But it needs the touch of universality, to really connect or endure. Other than that, pass the kleenex... please.
But don't call it "art."
And read, read, read.
(Something I used to do very much at the beginning. And sadly admit I have gotten away from. Having observed the world of poetry seeming to be mired in two different schools: the truly pedestrian, and the so wonderously used language... no one can figure out exactly what is being said.)
Wow-for reasons which you know, I have been away from here for awhile, and I can't believe how much great writing of yours that I missed. I am glad to have come back on so that I could enjoy these. Michelle
So well put. The silence really got to me. The absence of all the creatures of the forest. I hope most were able to get to safety. So sad. Excellent. Liz
Reviewed by Stan Grimes (Reader)
Reviewed on February 20, 2007
Reg, this was a very good write..."death has dominion over this place." It gives a very good description of the aftermath of a forest fire.
until another fire is started and we lose another part of ourselves in the flame. until another fire consumes the beauty we forgot and it turns into ashes like our souls. until our souls are charred and the forest is gone forever. the forest is a now a dream or a memory we tell our children about but can not be seen.
You're the greatest, Reg. It's so sad to see the forest thta has been there for hundreds of year disappear because of our negilgence.
Reviewed by Tracey L. O' Very (Reader)
Reviewed on October 28, 2004
This so very moving and touching so true about the Beautiful life that lives in thier homes in the forests. This poem needs to be avaliable and read by all as to the importance of making sure that camp fires are out and not to do all the things that can start these fires and should be pounded into the heads of those that start fires for greed or any reasons, of all that lives there in the lands now charred. This poem is as important as "Smokey the Bear" message with the grip of reality from carelessness of humans. I really cannot tell you enough of how you have touched me and the tears that always come to me when the forests are burning. Thank You so much and Please Get this poem with this picture out there!!! Save the Beauty of the forests. The Streams. Fish, Trees, Flowers, Birds and Critters The Total and Complete Beauty!!
Heaven's Love,
Tracey
Dear Reg,
Another beautiful offering from a man who knows how to use words to touch hearts. A forest fire may be destructive but there is always new growth to look forward to. This embodies my philosophy in life.
Much appreciation
Chanti
I have been here and read this a couple of times, and everytime it has brought tears to my eyes. This is for me an incredibly sad situation, and my heart really aches at the loss of so much.
Powerfully written and touched me deeply.
Warm hugs
Elga
This one resonates with your powerful feelings, Regis. Your lyrical writing touches, and your subject is so very upsetting. Every year countless acres of forest burn to the ground. Such a loss in flora and fauna. It's distressing indeed.
Thanks for an important message.
Gina
Reviewed by Marco Landi (Reader)
Reviewed on July 11, 2004
Ashes like soiled snow
carpet a lifeless forest floor
Here and there
phantoms
weakening wisps of smoke
wander off
like sickly silent sentinels
wonderfully dipicted with words...
Masterful! I'm in awe of both the picture and poem!
I'm reminded of a time, driving back from California, when we paused to eat at a restraurant unaware that a furious fire was creeping nearby. When management announced that they'd lost power due to the fire (they began lighting all the candles on the tables), everyone ran outside to look. Sure enough, the smoke enveloped us and I begged Al to leave the place ... even though we weren't finished eating. I didn't want to be encircled (that's what they said it was doing--wrapping around us) by a firestorm. Everyone laughed at me (scaredy-cat)--Al's youngest daughter, her husband and three kids were with Al, Doogie and me--and went back inside. I've never eaten so fast in my life :)!
We also visited Yellowstone (another time) several years after the last fire there. I sobbed huge tears for all the fallen trees and animals; it was like a huge graveyard (to me). Although new sprigs of life sprang forth, there were vast gullies of complete burns that broke my spirit.
Your artwork, photo, is amazing. Your poem so well stated the charred present. Thanks for sharing :)!
:)Sandy
It's difficult to describe the myriad thoughts and feelings that you evoke with this polished write, Regis. The shock and disbelief are palpable. I love the alliteration - conjuring the hissing and crackling of the flames. But your imagery, too - the blood red skies weeping with pain, and everywhere the stench of smoke that gets into the very pores of your skin. Even the idea of the "night losing its voice" is so poignant - hoarse with grief. Such pain "shown" rather than "stated". Very visual and yet "freeze-framed" at the same time. I think it is no coincidence that Hell itself is depicted as a place of eternal fire. And how long until this forest fire is forgotten?... If this excellent poem is its representative - a very long time!! Bless you, Regis... you are such an understated and unselfconscious Master of poetry. I greatly admire your wonderful work. Kate xx
Powerful write and pic, my friend.
I appolize for not commenting on your writes lately. I've been in the hospital for a very bad drug reaction and just recently started posting and reviewing again. Love and Peace to you, kind friend...
Even death's dominion shall burn off in time, therein lies the truest beauty of nature, it's ability to rise from the ashes - like the immorta phoenix. Compelling as ever Regis.
Very descriptive and evocative write of the aftermath of a raging towering forest fire !!!
Powerful and convincing narrative Reg
Peter Paton
Reviewed by Amira van Kerk (Reader)
Reviewed on July 8, 2004
What a sad write.
It will take ages until nature is again what it used to be.
Excellent with the photo, though touching.
Reviewed by Thomas Lanechanger (Reader)
Reviewed on July 8, 2004
Very powerful write and stunning picture to go along with it, Regis!!!… You know if you’ve ever been in one, you’ll never forget it, that’s for darn sure!!!… Thanks for sharing it, Poet!!!
it saddens me to see and hear
but you put this together so well!!!
your left feeling empty here, because of the topic
which means you have done a wonderful job relying
the message..........
Wonderful poetry, Regis - a pleasure to read and to feel the sensation of smoke, smell and eerie emptyness. Strangely as it may sound this deadly emptyness is a precursor of new life. Franz
(our jungles here in Borneo, or what is left of it, seem to be at the point of burning again)
Oh please tell me that that fire is not anywhere near you, Regis! You live in and around such beauty & to have it burn, would be tragic...
The poem you have penned herein is quite tragic, I hate forest fires, as most seem to be started by man in his infinite ignorance...check out what I wrote sometime ago, reference the same:
http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewpoetry.asp? AuthorID=16187&id=80555
That Fire Is Within Each N Every Human Being,i.e. ONLY YOU CAN PUT IT OUT_ Doubt_
In The End Your Entire Life Unfolds Before You On Near Your Deathbed_
This Is How (God) Opens Your Eyes,i.e. There Is No Coming Back_
Only You Can Be At Peace Within Mine Self! As all Others Around In Same!
No we won't forget. This is a great relevant write. It's that time of the year and all it takes is one spark. Great picture too! Thanks for bringing this close to home for us.
Reviewed by Katy Walsvik (Reader)
Reviewed on July 6, 2004
I completely left the room, Regis... I could even smell this. To be able to rant with such grace and such quiet, that is the definition of profound, indeed. Not often enough, a poem is able to seep into a reader's head... this did that. There's real power here... a great piece of writing! katy xox.
this was masterfully written. the style made me think of great nature writers such as forest. This gives one a new appreciate of Mother Nature. A cry to stop destroying Mother Nature. exceptional piece.
A book of nature inspired poems and essays, written from the heart and soul of a life-long nature, animal, and wilderness lover, and dedicated to today’s children - Earth's only hope for a better tomorrow.
This book won 'The Poetry Category'
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"Here and there
phantoms
weakening wisps of smoke
wander off
like sickly silent sentinels"
I love the alliteration and the imagery. Very good poem.
I am tempted to change the ending lines to something like this "how long until forest fire is but a distant memory on the horizon?"
And in the line "have fled" I am tempted to add a destination - what is the place where they have fled? Not necessarily an exact place but some place. Or maybe how they fled. Or maybe say they have vanished instead.
Those are just my suggestions. Do with them as you please...
It also seems weird to me that you have one line that just says the word OR. Is there a reason why you chose to have it on a line by itself?
Much Love,
Always!!!
OUCH!! what a great write. You sure have a way with words. I love what I feel when I read your poems. Thanks.
Amour et paix toujours,
Nicole
I would have ended it
How long
until the forest is forgiven?
Acirè C
Perhaps my High School English teacher was an Authorsden reader? It sounds like an example we used in class, when studying alliteration and other poetic devices that come so naturally to you.
If not, perhaps this poem is just a shining example, on par with other great poetry that my genius English teacher shows us in class. Either way, it's obviously a great write, because it'd be a great honor if this particular teacher EVER used one of my works as an example.
Thanks for the read.
Terrific picture. And a nice poem, Regis. (I take it as being one of your "famous" ones, as it seems to have had a good circulation.) Still, a question to consider, how much is the picture needed? Sure, it adds. But without, would it be the same poem? Undoubtedly it hasn't always been published so. Therefore, the poem stands rather well alone. Yet I'm curious as to why you've chosen to not use periods.
Indeed, the modern trend is to eschew punctuation. Though I'm not sure that's always wise. Punctuation does rather give one the way of reading it as the poet intended; a guide to more closely align what/how the poet meant to express, or thought. Trends change, of course. I wonder how our era will be perceived by those long after (providing the planet and inhabitants are still here) -- which again, may be doubtful. And then, it won't matter.
You have some really nice things going here, fine images that are simple, yet soar.... I would however, try to not overly repeat a word or phrase, when it's not truly necessary. (Naturally, unless repetition is sought for... as point or effect.) Example: we have two deads and a death. One dead might be sufficient. The first one.
Maybe the second could rephrase as:
Its denizens scorched
or fled.
Economy of language is the key to good poetry. You started well, and should "continue" well. (Too many has's or have's take it from poetic thought to plain statements.) Showing us the first half, a series of images... then the last half a series of statements.
I've heard it often said a poem is only as good as it's ending.
(Gives the body a foot to stand on; anchors all that has gone before.) Might you then consider:
Death has made dominion,
time seems to have stopped.
How long
before the roots change
... return
what needs forgotten?
Of course, it is not for me to rewrite another's work; most of us do not welcome that. I'm just trying to direct your thought processes to a leaner stance. Shall we say -- is it poetry, or "poesy"? Both mean the same, but the connotations differ. So much on Author's Den is really poetastery. And I doubt few have picked up anything other than their own diaries. That is not the way to learn how to write poetry. We all have feelings, and they may need to be expressed. Fine, great! It can be theraputic; it can be "personal"; it can be art. And it doesn't have to be loftily intellectual. (After all, libraries are full of that which no one really reads.) But it needs the touch of universality, to really connect or endure. Other than that, pass the kleenex... please.
But don't call it "art."
And read, read, read.
(Something I used to do very much at the beginning. And sadly admit I have gotten away from. Having observed the world of poetry seeming to be mired in two different schools: the truly pedestrian, and the so wonderously used language... no one can figure out exactly what is being said.)
But, what do I know?
Rick A.
Sandra
Stan
Janet
You're the greatest, Reg. It's so sad to see the forest thta has been there for hundreds of year disappear because of our negilgence.
Heaven's Love,
Tracey
Well done my friend!
Another beautiful offering from a man who knows how to use words to touch hearts. A forest fire may be destructive but there is always new growth to look forward to. This embodies my philosophy in life.
Much appreciation
Chanti
I have been here and read this a couple of times, and everytime it has brought tears to my eyes. This is for me an incredibly sad situation, and my heart really aches at the loss of so much.
Powerfully written and touched me deeply.
Warm hugs
Elga
Reindeer
Thanks for an important message.
Gina
carpet a lifeless forest floor
Here and there
phantoms
weakening wisps of smoke
wander off
like sickly silent sentinels
wonderfully dipicted with words...
I'm reminded of a time, driving back from California, when we paused to eat at a restraurant unaware that a furious fire was creeping nearby. When management announced that they'd lost power due to the fire (they began lighting all the candles on the tables), everyone ran outside to look. Sure enough, the smoke enveloped us and I begged Al to leave the place ... even though we weren't finished eating. I didn't want to be encircled (that's what they said it was doing--wrapping around us) by a firestorm. Everyone laughed at me (scaredy-cat)--Al's youngest daughter, her husband and three kids were with Al, Doogie and me--and went back inside. I've never eaten so fast in my life :)!
We also visited Yellowstone (another time) several years after the last fire there. I sobbed huge tears for all the fallen trees and animals; it was like a huge graveyard (to me). Although new sprigs of life sprang forth, there were vast gullies of complete burns that broke my spirit.
Your artwork, photo, is amazing. Your poem so well stated the charred present. Thanks for sharing :)!
:)Sandy
powerful words......pax A
The write is equally as grand!
I appolize for not commenting on your writes lately. I've been in the hospital for a very bad drug reaction and just recently started posting and reviewing again. Love and Peace to you, kind friend...
~Linda
Excellent write
I am a true lover of nature
and this piece hit the spot
Thanks for sharing
William
~Rose~
Powerful and convincing narrative Reg
Peter Paton
It will take ages until nature is again what it used to be.
Excellent with the photo, though touching.
but you put this together so well!!!
your left feeling empty here, because of the topic
which means you have done a wonderful job relying
the message..........
(our jungles here in Borneo, or what is left of it, seem to be at the point of burning again)
the photo matching the verse!
Carmen
Allen
i like the metaphoric nature of this poem ... hell has no memory ...
The poem you have penned herein is quite tragic, I hate forest fires, as most seem to be started by man in his infinite ignorance...check out what I wrote sometime ago, reference the same:
http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewpoetry.asp? AuthorID=16187&id=80555
Peace, dear friend, Ed & rufuz
In The End Your Entire Life Unfolds Before You On Near Your Deathbed_
This Is How (God) Opens Your Eyes,i.e. There Is No Coming Back_
Only You Can Be At Peace Within Mine Self! As all Others Around In Same!
Excellent!
TRASK
WOW--searing imagery and painful write--powerfully written! well done!
(((HUGS))) and love, karla.
i'd send you some rain if i could :( june was the second wettest in history--nearly 11" of rain
Monette
(((HUGS))) and much love, ton ami a' texas, karen lynn. :D
paix et amour a' toi!
Sandie May Angel :o)
It's like a broken heart the scars will always be there deep inside!!
Love Tinka