Old Sooth advise don't work too good in todays world

Sooth Sayer

My answer I wrote to a Sooth sayer thing,
From me you know, it has a Red Neck ring,

You wanna be healthy, you gotta follow this Plan,
A well rounded diet makes a well rounded man,

Problem was last time , just thought I might try it,
It may work for some, but afraid I cain’t buy it,

Beans and flapjacks, eat and live well,
You might git to like’em after a spell,

Said to drink water from where the Ol’horses do,
I tried that method and Peee-uuu!,

Then make your bed where the cat want’s to sleep,
You gotta be kiddin, doctor’s ain’t cheap,

Said to eat fruit, that’s been wormed a bit,
I’ll give’em a home in. the ol’garbage pit,

And to eat the mushrooms where the insect will sit,
My belly ain’t ready for that kinda hit,

Cain’t plant my tree where the ground mole goes,
Stomped that sucker when he killed my rose,

Build where the snake lays to warm up some,
No snakes allowed where I come from,

Swim a big bunch , you’ll be healthy as you wish,
Ain’t partial to water, but I do like fish,

And you gotta look up, all that you can,
Easy for me, I’m a short legged man,

Said to be quiet, now that’s hard for me,
Cause a hill billy singer I wanted to be,

Reckon he was right , makes you wanna weep,
I was waitin for applause but they all went to sleep!

Well the ol’sooth sayer , I couldn’t follow too much,
This climate change thing done got me outta touch,

The sun ain’t shining and the wind don’t blow,
Ain’t no lectric and it’s, twenty below,

Snakes are all gone , cain’t sleep with the cat,
Ol’sooth, now baby, whatta we do about that?