You know, I can’t believe I wrote this , but I have to laugh TOO !!.

Guard Dog Arrested,

Hello is this Mrs Anthony, do you have a dog named Sailor,
It seems he attacked your neighbor ,mister Byron Taylor,

Well good for my ol’Sailor, I hope he bit him hard,
He’s always sneaking around out here messin in my yard,

He’s a peeping tom , the neighbor every body hates,
I had to put in chain link fence with an electric gate,

I guess I really shouldn’t complain, I’m kinda over the hill,
I should view it as a compliment to give the man a thrill,

No Mrs Anthony, I’m his lawyer, he’s prepared to sue,
This attack occurred almost two blocks from you,

He was terribly ravaged , his clothes were torn from him,
Animal Control arrived, a cop had called for them,

Your vicious dog was caught and is in the pound,
Mrs Anthony , you have no choice , your dog will be put down,

Mister Taylor want’s a settlement for your dog’s attack,
Hospital bills are awful, He’ll want all his money back,

Then there’s consideration and of course, my lawyer fee,
Your home owners insurance card, I’d surely like to see,

I don’t mean to be heartless, but keeping that dog about,
You open yourself to law suits every time that he gets out,

I’m a high end lawyer, and dog bites are new to me,
Divorces are way down and I have to eat you see ,

Mister Taylor is considerate , we’re only asking for a mill,
Any good insurance Broker will pay that with a thrill,

Mister high end lawyer, I’m sure you’ll hate to lose,
I really hate to blow out your candle, with tomorrow’s news,

My Sailor dog is home now, he’s a hero some will say,
He caught a prowler in my yard and chased the man away,

Jumped my fence and chased him running down the street,
Caught him in the Seven’s store, grabbed him by the feet,

Then he drug the man outside, the folks were in a fright,
The man was almost naked ,old Sailor won the fight,

An officer was on the scene, and his comment, I will share,
He said the man was really lucky, that other folks were there,

Restrained ol’Sailor just in time as he made a rushing stab,
Ol’Sailor loves a tug o war he wanted something else to grab,

And mister high end lawyer, our Courts are not that dense,
I found his blood stained sweat pants hanging in my fence,

And If they check the DNA , but say that it won’t do,
He peed his pants and messed his drawers, they can have that too!

© 2021 Tom Leftwich