It's long and has some oldies, but I thought you might find a laugh in this retirement gaggle at Edwards AFB

Roasting Cliff and Bob

Well I reckon most of you realize that Hell done froze over, the sky is falling and Humpty Dumpty fell,
I always belived in miracles at Edwards, but with Cliff and Bob aheading out, things sure ain’t looking well!

I’ve worked with these guys for thirty years , but here’s my situation,
I don’t know if I should seek condolences or congratulations

Now Me, I’ve seen all of it , done all of it and got locked up for some of it
But Bob and Cliff they seen some of it, drank most of it, and can’t remember none of it

I was gonna write something nice and sweet, But then I firmly resolved,
Why waste the words when it has to, match the character of the principals involved

So this is your standard govt document, confusing and unproofed,
Unhelpful, unkind, unfriendly and containing very little truth

Really I’m quite happy, that I was here to say a few words in their behalf ,
Cause So far they got off way too easy with all those accolades from Staff,

Now unemployed, you gotta be kidding; you say their job’s come to an end
Boy I know a game of Computer Solitaire that’s sure gonna lose a friend,

And Cliff,that eight o’clock dream of sleeping in, Boy that dream is toast!
It’s that peaceful serenity of sleep on the job that you’re gonna miss the most,

Regarded as fugitives from the bowels of Ridley and there once was a suggestion
Some said it was following a bad case of B1 A and Shuttle indigestion

Regrettably , these two are now free of a working schedule and will be loosely running around
Consider, as long as they were occupied at Edwards they weren’t a threat to the folks in town

If you read their glossy bio, you’d think they were always lost even finding one another
Crashing together like drunks in the night, they formed a distinct affliction for each other

Some say they’re like two brothers. One commits the baddie and the partner provides the cover,
Could it be at Morning Stand up, that’s why they sat by one another?

Though highly regarded for their management skills, I could put it a lot more simply
When the chips are really down, the buffalo , she is empty!

Now Bob was born on Christmas eve and like another well known man
He may have been born in a stable, but then on the other hand,

You’ve got to question his possible Biblical decent,
Cause you’ll notice he comes with a lotta hair over his upper lip and a distinct braying accent,

Cliff you’ll notice his one legs longer for walkin round those Virginia hills,
He comes from good ol’Southern stock , Luckily- before they had the Pill,

Leadership training they both completed with Outstanding scores and skill
But then, they lunched each day with the instructor and you wonder who paid the bill

They laid on me their reams of knowledge for managerial poise and flair,
I naturally sat in wide-eyed admiration, wonderin when they’d run outta air.

considering what i'm writing and laying now upon you
At this point,I gotta admit,i had that training too,

Today these guys are heavy into Sports, and competition is severe,
Their Monday quarterbacking skills are absolutely without peer,

Some of their talents are pretty obvious and need no written description or critique,
You don’t have to read their resume’, just look at their physique

Being laid off, it ain’t no fun and I’m not one to minimize the state of this despair;
The lack of any spending money , nearly all of us have been there

But in your case Cliff and Bob You’ve attained the status of a golden yeared old timer
So it’s time to reap the fruits of your labor from your favorite recliner

But a caution to the wise recipient of unemployment cause what I’ve found was true
Please make sure you don’t apply for work , where some one might could use you

Now they both have numerous physical issues, but Cliff had this to state
In order to control his weight, Gonna quit drinking coffee and just drink his Brandy straight

Cliff says he’s gonna drink liquor and ride the train,as much as his money will stand
Bob says Yeah, Cliffy just don’t get mugged a walking the street with your bag of aluminum cans

Now A second career I strongly suggested, but the thought just made them nervous
With too many infirmaries for actual work, I recommended civil service

Then, I’ve been around when they exchanged these colorful endearments over the phone,
Cliff says,I’m kinda fat and you’re ugly, I can diet but ugly goes clear to the bone!

Bob says Some folks fish for sport; others fish for fish ,but Cliffy you’re gittin old,
You always take along a little Brandy- you’d do a whole lot better if you took a fishing pole!

Cliff said, Bob I think God let ugly fall and it musta hit your peg,
You Couldn’t get a date with a German Shepherd with a pork chop tied to each leg

Bob said, Cliff, you’re a fisherman alright. But I can’tell one from another
A jerk on one end of the line waiting for a jerk on the other.

Now Of all the liars among mankind, the fisherman tells the best story,
But then the goldminer come along to share the fisherman’s glory

So here we have the elite in expert fishing and goldmining expertise,
You’d think the government here at Edwards could surely use both of these

So in final conclusion , I offer this one piece of friendly helpful advice,
No one that I’ve ever known has ever tried it twice

The road to heaven is rough, and narrow and mighty steep ,you bet!
So boys you better die with your boots on- you’re gonna need all the help that you can get !
Good Luck -- Love lefty