Whoever said that being dumb doesn't pay should 'take that back!'
****************

Hardtack Turner

Hardtack Turner didn't have much on his burner
but he lifted weights. His body tempted sinners.
Take my advice, tell him everything not once, trice.
With a heart of gold, the youth tries to do things right--
women sigh with delight.
Got a gift, yo-yo, that did tricks on his 'no-no.'
Developed quite a nack, he was hired out for shows.
His sweet disposition made him ask permission
to learn the trade, handle bombs--nuclear fisson--
he'd never do treason.
It left him aglow so he bathed in red Jell-O,
had an aura so bright worked at airfields as light.
Fast as a jackrabbit, developed the habit
of avoiding women who sought hard to grab it.
He preferred just to sit.
Hardtack was 'Jack' but no one seemed to call him that!
When playing ball, he preferred (to a mitt) a hat!
Women lulled around wanting to do what was naughty
but Hardtack hung behind his friend, Snotty Scotty.
"Lust's not love, good golly!"
Widow Snyder took his up-bringing upon her.
(Fortunately, Widow Snyder had no daughter.)
Sixty-five to his twenty. She taught him plenty!
When her heart gave out, she left Hardtack her money.
He's wealthy. That's funny!
Those who said he didn't have much on his burner
Now look--with awe--upon the man, Hardtack Turner.