I was sitting in my place,
Among the authors in the Den
Then all at once I looked up,
As my good friend Smoke walked in.

I said “Hey there, Smoke ol Buddy!
It’s been long time no see
Bring yourself right over here
And sit right next to me”

Then Smoke just strolled right over,
Said, “First thing lets clear the air”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed
But you are sitting in my chair”

“It’s not your chair,” I said to her
“It’s been mine for quite some time”
She said “Now just a minute Corn boy,
For this I have no time.

She said, “It’s obvious to me,
That we have come to disagree”
“It must be settled with a foot race
It’s the only way I see”

I looked at my friend Smoke Martin
As if she had lost her mind
I said, “I would beat you easily
For I am the athletic kind

And then she laughed right in my face
She said, “Well lets look and see
Hmmm, Bib overalls and work boots
Athletic?, No siree

Meet me here tomorrow, she said
Right at the crack of dawn
We will use the track behind the Den
And you I’ll beat upon

Next morning I was ready
Psyched up and stretching out
I knew she wouldn’t even show
Of this I had no doubt

Just then she pulled up in her car
A car of sporty sorts
The crowd all cheered when she stepped out
Wearing her turtle shorts

She said let’s get this over with
And we stepped up to the line
We put our feet upon the blocks
And waited for that time

Jack was psyched and ready
He was pawing in the dirt
Smoke said, “Just you don’t get in my way
For you surely will get hurt

Peggy Bertrand was elected
To be the one to start this show
We heard her say as dawn broke
Get ready Get set, Go!

Smoke took off like a rocket
She was kicking up that dirt
The dirt went right in ol Jacks eyes
She was right , he did get hurt

How that girl could run so fast
No one will ever know
She looked just like that blurry bird
On that roadrunner show!

Smoke stood upon the finish line
As she looked back in shock
At Jack rubbing dirt out of his eyes
His feet still in the blocks

Smoke said, “I guess the chair is mine
Since I have won the race”
I said, “I may as well leave town
How can I show my face”?

Heed the warning dear friends
Which I write in this report
It’s a foolish man that tries to race
Red heads in turtle shorts.

Jack Roberts – March 14, 2003


If you get a chance reads Smokes Martins short story "Turtle Shorts", one of of my all time favorites.