AuthorsDen.com   Join | Login    
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    BOOKS    SAMPLE CHAPTERS    AUDIOBOOKS    eBOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    VIDEOS    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Emmanuel Laroche, iBruce Humphrey, iJames Hill, iTracey Morait, iJill Eisnaugle, iAntoinette Kopperfield, iLeanne Bright Cloudman, iStephen Murray, iDiane Hundertmark, iMr. Ed, i

  Home > Humor > Poetry        Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry        Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

Michael D. Schafer

 Follow Me  

· Contact Me
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· 393 Titles
· 2,888 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
· Member Since: Nov, 2012

Michael D. Schafer, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.



Replaced: A Mid Life Crisis
by Michael D. Schafer → (All Poetry by Michael D. Schafer)
Thursday, November 17, 2016    Rated "PG" by the Author.
Share   Print  Save   Follow   Share on Facebook

The story of sex vs. food

 REPLACED

 

I love sex,

And I love to eat.

There’s nothing like,

A good piece of meat.

 

Sex always feels good,

And good food tastes great.

One burns calories,

And the other adds weight.

 

Since I’ve gotten older,

There’s more food than sex.

I used to be concave,

But now I’m more convex.

 

All of that eating has increased my size,

And my waistline suffered an expanse.

It seems food has replaced my sex life,

And now I can’t even get in my own pants.

 

 

Michael D. Schafer

© March 13, 2013

 
Want to review or comment on this poem?

Need a FREE Reader Membership?


 Reviews of "Replaced: A Mid Life Crisis"
Reviewed by John Domino
Reviewed on May 12, 2018
A lot of truth in this historical poetic piece.
I am going on a cruise tomorrow.
Fifteen minutes of sex and five days of feast, feast, feast!!

Then after the cruise, even Beauty has turned into this Gorilla-like BEAST!

LOL


Reviewed by Susanne Leist
Reviewed on May 9, 2018
Poor baby. You need to spice up your life. You need to find characters who are as exciting as your made up ones.
Reviewed by Sandie May Joyce (Sandie Angel)
Reviewed on May 1, 2018
Don't we all love to eat as we get older? I love the humour in this poem! Thanks, Michael!!!

Sandie :D
Reviewed by Deborah Shepard
Reviewed on November 22, 2016
funny loved it
Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on November 17, 2016
That last line was a real kicker!

Looks like you need a lifestyle adjustment that even Viagra, on its own, won't cure.

Ron
Reviewed by E Phillips
Reviewed on November 17, 2016
This little jewel gave me the best belly laugh in a long, long time. I must have lost 5 lbs. laughing. Now for a little sex to keep it off.
Reviewed by John Herlihy
Reviewed on November 17, 2016
This brought a laugh, Michael, and thanks for that. Very funny indeed on a day when I needed a laugh. You are the master of the unexpected and the droll. It's getting so that I look forward to your next write. John
Reviewed by Jane Noponen Perinacci
Reviewed on November 17, 2016
This is hysterical!! You brightened up my morning! LOL!!! Humor with class.

Love ya!

Jane
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton
Reviewed on November 17, 2016
Hah! Back away from that table and check out a porn site.
New Poetry by Michael D. Schafer
Poem Image
Reykjavik, the capital of Iceland.
Reykjavik
Poem Image
A story about someone I'm sure we all know.
Claudia Chatterbox
Poem Image
A children's poem.
Fred the Flying Fish
Poem Image
Once again, I''m just laughing at myself, and I hope you can laugh with me. And reports of my decline are greatly exaggerated. Well, maybe not greatly
Golden Years My Ass
Poem Image
No frogs were harmed during the writing of this poem.
F-R-O-G Jam
Poem Image
The right tool for the right job.
Tooling Around
Poem Image
Just laughing at myself.
The Master Poet
Poem Image
When it rains, make mud pies.
Mud Pies
Popular Poetry (Humor)
  1.  Little Folk, Cousins Make A Pit Stop
  2.  If I Could Be A Super Hero
  3.  Fried Chicken
  4.  An Adventurous Reinterpretation of Mid
  5.  Like Ducks in Paper Trousers
  6.  Laughing As I Flee...
  7.  A Salt and Batter
  8.  Amazing Grapes
  9.  Newfangled Things
  10.  Milkman's letter
  11.  A Writer Named Ron
  12.  Ode to Spamophobia
  13.  The Last Second
  14.  Porky Pig And Daffy Duck
  15.  My First Heart Attack
  16.  Houston Greats
  17.  Atlanta Belle
  18.  Burst Forth
  19.  Flocking
  20.  Bad Boy
Free Book Review Program
Select a book to read and review today!

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered by Jay Dubya

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered (Part I) is adult literature featuring adult content and language.  
Member BookAds

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered by Jay Dubya

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered (Part I) is adult literature featuring adult content and language.  
Member BookAds

A Relief of Doodie: Shtty Stories to Read on the Pot by Jay Horne

Stories Worth Wiping Your A** With Whether you're making a deposit at the stank bank, dropping a return at the squat shop, or conducting a brown business meeting, these perfectly timed tales provide the literary fragrance your privacy deserves. F  
Member BookAds
Authors A-Z: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Featured Authors New to AuthorsDen? Add AuthorsDen to Your Site Share AD Need Help? About Us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.