SHED HAPPENS

A HUMOROUS LOOK AT DIETING

Dieting advice is a word to the wide,

And I’ve had more than I can stand.

For me a balanced diet,

Is a cookie in each hand.

Some things are worth the weight,

Although I have pounds to shed.

It seems I’m going the wrong weigh,

And my problem’s become widespread.

I bought a refrigerator that says, “Oink Oink,”

And the oinking never stops.

But all that did for me,

Was make me hungry for pork chops.

I tried being a vegetarian,

Until I started leaning towards sunlight.

Low carb diets go against the grain,

When you’ve got a healthy appetite.

If I want to dye-it,

I’ll change the color of my food.

I never take the path of feast resistance.

Diet talk just leaves me stewed.

I might be at my widths end,

But I won’t diet anymore.

They say it's mind over platter,

But I can get thinner at the paint store.

Michael D. Schafer

© November 29, 2015