Limericks XII (Christmas theme)

Santa Claus the jolly old elf
Has made quite a fool of himself
He drank too much whisky
That made him too frisky
So Ms. Claus stuffed him on a shelf

A reindeer you may not have met
Goes by the name of Comet
To Santa’s dismay
From September to May
He wears nothing but a bonnet
 
When Rudolph had been in the grog
On the trail he thought he saw a dog
So as not to hit it
He swerved just a bit
And Santa’s sleigh was stuck in a bog
 
Rudolph has a penchant for rum
So at times he appears rather dumb
The rum makes him tipsy
And most often ditzy
This leaves poor Santa rather glum
 
Santa Claus has a pressing issue
He can’t find a single tissue
His nose is all red
He must stay in bed
Christmas Eve he’ll probably miss you
 
The elves are demanding a wage hike
Something which Santa does not like
Be that as it may
If he does not pay
It’s a sure bet they’ll all go on strike
 
There’s a reindeer up north named Rudolph
He’s fond of another named Randolph
Santa’s not too pleased
But he is appeased
When the reindeer just want to play golf
 
It was the night before Christmas
And not a thing seemed amiss
When out of the chimney
An elf not so skinny
Came out and gave me a kiss
(How I wish he’d been a miss)
 
The day before Christmas when Santa awoke
He found that his reindeer were all high on coke
So he hired some hoods
To deliver the goods
It’s not hard to fathom why drugs are no joke
 
Santa Claus does nothing all year
But boss the elves and drink beer
Mrs. Claus is cranky
She’s banned hanky panky
All the elves give her a big cheer
 
With global warming and all the ice melting
Instead of snowflakes raindrops are pelting
The reindeer must now pull a boat
They must also learn how to float
It’s enough for Santa to shed all of his felting

© Copyright 2009     Regis Auffray