Christmas Limericks

Santa Claus is having a bad day
Mrs. Claus won’t let him have his way
When he goes outside
Hoping for a sleigh ride
The reindeer are on strike for more hay
 
Santa Claus has just come into town
He is clad in nothing but a frown
The sleigh’s runners got stuck
In a mire of muck
I’m afraid this Christmas will be brown
 
I have some bad news I fear
Santa’s not coming this year
He went to a party
Was a little too hearty
They’ve impounded his sleigh and his deer
 
A rumour has come from the North Pole
Rudolph has not been true to his role
There’s been a sighting
Of him moonlighting
With the Grinch hauling lumps of coal
 
The reindeer cost a great deal to feed
So Santa has cultivated some weed
If I must confide
He sells it on the side
But it’s a high quality weed indeed
 
The reindeer have been out all night
They went to Rudolph’s for a bite
He served them some beer
There was much good cheer
They’ve just told Santa to go fly a kite
 
The Grinch was wandering around town
Hoping to make a white Christmas brown
He paced and fretted
He raged and regretted
On his face was a most unpleasant frown
 
Santa was missing Mrs. Claus
In fact he was feeling the blahs
He stopped in at Vickie's
She gave him some hickies
And soon made him aware of his flaws
 
Santa Claus got caught up in a storm
Its velocity was way above the norm
With no GPS
Rudolph had to guess
Like men they’re all lost true to form
 
Times are tough and finances are lean
Santa Claus is learning how to glean
He’s down at the dump
With a fellow named Gump
They are both vowing to go green

Santa Claus gambled with a trio of old coots
It became obvious that they were in cahoots
And as you can tell
Santa did not do well
They took him for everything but his boots

 © Copyright 2010    Regis Auffray