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Blogs by Linda Law
Hello my friends... 12/4/2009 7:01:23 AM
As you all know I'm not around much anymore; however, you are missed, and my heart holds you near. With the holidays all around, we tend to rush around and cram more than the usual things into our lives, and I wonder if we just tend to forget why we insist on this ritual? My days are like yours; jampacked with to-do lists, paying bills, running errands, working a fulltime job, and finding myself worn out at the end of each day. Then...I wonder... How many days do I have left? Am I wasting them, or am I taking even a few minutes to let others know that I care...that I love them, and that they/you make my life better even if I don't see you or speak with you often? One day, someone will read that I am no longer here; and altho that day may be far away...I hope that the memory of me, even tiny, will be a good one.
Since I have been working, I've been reminded of how everyone has a story...everyone has pain or joy, and how important it has been for me to smile more than ever...to lift when I can...to encourage and to just listen, even when my own hurts and burdens are heavy. In one day alone, I had a woman sit and cry sharing that her first husband beat and abused her and caused her to lose the child she was carrying. Later she said, she married again, and when she was pregnant, her husband left her weeks before their child was born. She smiled as she said her beautiful daughter is now in college, and that is her reminder that even in dark times, something beautiful will emerge. In this case, her daughter. Now she is in another difficult relationship, but too old in her mind to want to give it up; fear of being alone...fear of not having someone to share life with. Naturally, I know she would be better off running as fast as she can...but...I listen instead and say my prayer at nite that she will have courage and wisdom and peace one day soon. The same day, another lady came in and sat and asked if I'd listen a minute...she was at her wits end she said... She shared she had lost everything her parents had helped her get when she was young, by trusting her first husband...then he left her broke and alone. She later met another man, and once again she acquired alot of THINGS, only to have him make poor investments with her possessions. He beat her and left her with nothing, not even self-esteem. In time she met another and she has been with him 11 years...that's a long time...and he is good to her, but so controlling she can't even walk to the clubhouse here without him giving her a time-limit! She said he's squandered their money too, and she works all the time, and now she is panicked that they won't be able to land on their feet this time. She cried. I listened, and tried to do my work at the same time, knowing I can't help any of these people. Before the day was done, I had another lady stop by and she had been crying, and shared that her husband is in hospice, and she can't pay the rent this month...at least without help...and she was ashamed and afraid.. A husband came in and said he'd be late paying too, because his wife is bi-polar and has had a bad spell, and is in the hospital...he is elderly and can't work, and little money, and he was ragged looking. He could use a haircut and probably just a shower and a nap; but all I can do is listen, one after another.
My burdens are many as well, yet when I compare them to those who feel they can talk to me, tell me their troubles, well...I am humbled and realize that I should be more thankful. I often wonder why...why...did I take this job? Why did I want to make myself get up and face another day dealing with "people"... I'd been retired, so to speak for a few years...coming and going as I pleased...if I had money fine...if not...I sat still... and then I took this job; and I wonder once again... Was this God's plan for me? Am I here to listen, to encourage, to smile when only HE knows there is little to smile about... Some days I am the whipping girl when things are difficult for them...someone has to be blamed...someone has to have the wrath thrown their way...why not me? It can be exhausting, and it can also be uplifting. I choose my position each and every day...I fight the darkness and continue to reach for the light...not just in the day...but in each person who walks in my door...and most of all...within myself..
I rarely find time to write, something I love so much...something that I saved just for me...after all these years...and now...once again...I don't find time to do what I love... but... I know that there is a season for everything, and right now...well; I'm just taking life one day at a time and praying that God just leads me so that I may follow His way.
When I can I stop and read your works...I smile, tears come and go, and I can almost picture you (even tho I only have your AD profile-bio pix to go by) in my mind as I read your work... My heart is filled with knowing so many of you in some small way; and I continue to pray for so many of you daily...and when I can't think of each name...I "bundle" you into "my friends at AD" when in prayer... God knows my heart, so that in itself is a blessing. Please take care of yourselves... be good to you...and know that if you touch someone, even in the slightest way...a smile, a word, a kindness...you have accomplished so much! Be aware of those who touch you...because they do...even when we aren't truly aware of it...
Have a wonderful Christmas, and a Happy New Year... and to those friends of mine who are not Christians, I love you as well...and honor your higher power within you. I wish each and everyone of you, the best that life has... good health, financial abundance, plenty of good food, a loving friend/family/mate, and whatever else you desire. I miss you all very much... hugs, lindalaw
