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The Sad State of my Affairs 12/15/2011 10:52:43 PM
I was happy when I was in my twenties. Of course, I would always suspect that life was miserable but compared to the overall picture, my twenties brought about hopes and promises for a future that seem bright. Telescoping into the future from my twenties, I was hoping to get married, have three beautiful children – a boy, a girl and then a boy – a house, successful in business or working for a company that provides well, perhaps a country home by the coast (And not just any coast, I was looking at the Mediterranean or the Atlantic coast), and living very comfortably with a wife who loves to play and is very understanding. All of this takes place in Brussels. We would spend our time in our home, playing with the kids or reading; and on weekends, have a short trip to our country home to spend time at the beach frolicking or beachcomberring. Or, we would picnic out in the pasture; let our kids run free while me and my wife lay side by side watching the sky form fruits or animals from the clouds above.
But all came to naught. Three decades, hence, I am alone; no wife, no kids, and no country home. I do not know if being alone was meant to be, but it seemed like it. Indeed, I enjoyed my thirties for to be free of encumbrance, wife and kids, meant that I could play around; that until I hit my forties when the call to settle hits me. There was no one to settle with. So I found enjoyment with my nieces, daughters of my sister.
Only through them did I find that having kids was a plus and minus. It was the commitment to them that they flourished. And me, not having any commitment surely will condemn my children to neglect and deprivation; this I found out. So the better off they must be for I would be a worse father.
I am now on top of the hill, ready to swoosh down that age when ailment of age come visit more often than not. I do not like to be an invalid being pushed around in a wheelchair, unable to utter complete sentences or not have to talk or to write at all. It pains me to see old people this way. My father once told all his children that when he turns to be an invalid that we would not disrespect him. The same is true with me. I hope that I would not be mistreated. I would not know, anyway, of who is mistreating me for I would have degenerated into obsolescence. I do not know. But if I were conscious as I am today, it truly is a sad affair; a truly, truly sad affair.
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