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What I Miss 1/21/2012 8:36:28 PM
What I miss…are those days when everything was carefree, where life was simple and uncomplicated, where the world revolved around family and friends and there was no intrigue or fighting mixed in. I miss problem-free days when all you have to go through was a day like any other day, when all you have to look forward to was playing around or having a cup of joe. And oh how I miss those days leisurely strolling under that sun when the air was languid and the pace of life was lazy.
But these were days interspersed among days filled with hectic activities wherein school was part of the daily routine and then work was a chore; wherein it became that even fun was sucked out of those times when we squander time and time was laid to waste. It was these days we look forward to and had hoped that they last for several more days until days become eternal.
I don’t recall the exact time and place when these fun-filled moments in my life filled my waking hours. One among them probably occurred in a day, perhaps a week. But I can recall the essence of it.
It was in Belgium; Brussels, Belgium. I met a girl, there and had several years of long distance relation with her. And everytime I came to Europe, I would pass by her town and we would find an escape together and spend a wonderful time together. It was at this time that I recall the essence of what had happened many, many years ago. We walked the ground of Brussels sometimes talking with each other and at times just being silent. And in our talking hours, we would converse about the Chinese exhibit in one of the museums. She teased me about being Chinese (actually, I am Filipino-American) and told me about how Filipinos self-sacrifice during Lent (she read it and saw it in the book.) We would talk about building a life in Brussels, have a house and three kids; and about having kids, for that matter. Where we should get married was one of the most important parts of the conversation. And when the day was about to close, when twilight was nearing, we would seat at a bench, totally exhausted from the day, she would rest her head on my shoulders and fall asleep while I think of the things that happened through that day. When she had awakened, we would trudge to the train station and say our goodbyes…and back to the realities of our lives we head to.
It was carefree and uncomplicated. There was no big drama. If only life was like this. But life was not made to be. It was created to be filled with challenges and respond with bravado. There was no rest except for that occasional moment of contemplation. When I was younger, I did not have the inclination to think if the thing I was doing was done because I had to do it. I just did it. But as I grew older, as I become more knowledgeable in the things I do, I began to dissect whether or not I do things because I had to or just because I want to. Thus, those times when times were most idyllic become less and less a reality. I do things because I had to.
“Fun” these days is completely working or occupying oneself with activity, for the sake of it. There is no fun anymore doing nothing; or playing. One should prove himself over and over, again, so that he would not get fired. If one were studying, “fun” is taken away because one has to do it for the grade. The natural inclination to ask and answer is taken away.
The days of leisurely strolling down the avenue, spending time with someone or alone were the gems I crave for. Working because you don’t have to but rather because your life calls for it or studying to have good grades rather than supplying that innate want to inquire is legitimate enough but not completely legitimate. To switch between work and play, between getting good grades and answering a vexing question are the paradigms that my world demands.
So, I miss…those walks and discussions that mark my life. I miss that simple life, uncomplicated by the qualms of commerce and money. I miss the bells of schools for they call me to inquire. And I miss many other things that life seems to deny me.
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